Not How

As a mom of six, the last two who are twins, I am constantly getting comments about my brood when I'm out. From older women it's usually of the "better you than me" variety. Or the ever popular "My your hands are full."

But I've noticed a trend in the comments from my young momma friends and even the ones I meet while I'm out (twins cause quite the stir and we rarely get through a store without a few stops to chat with random strangers). These are the mommas who are living in the motherhood trenches of sleepless nights, diaper changes, cold meals that were supposed to be eaten hot, training and consistency, school work and home work, etc. These are the mommas who have less than five or six children and they all say the same thing. "I just don't know how you do it."

I honestly get totally awkward when I get this comment. I feel like I should respond with a list of my five secrets. But I have none. Not even one. Or maybe I should give my parenting book recommendations. But I only really use bits and pieces of any parenting book I've read.

Or I could show you my daily planner filled with tips on organizing your life. But most days I can't even remember where I put my planner much less tell you what I've written in it. I always leave those conversations wishing I would have had the words to encourage the mommas where they are in their journey.

I've thought about what I do that may be different or helpful because I want to be an encouragement. But really I just do what I need to do (or as much as I can).

The reality is that it's not the "how" in what I do. It's the "why." And I bet you know why I do all of this.

Because it's why you do all that you do. Because you love your babies fiercely and want the best for them just like I do for mine.

All that how business doesn't matter. Not when you put your mind to the why. When we remember why we do this motherhood thing we just do what needs to be done because we love our kids.

 I have to remind myself of this when I'm overwhelmed with the "how am I going to do this" feelings. Which, in full disclosure, happens often.

We are Super Mommas because we super love our kids. Not because we are always super at everything we do. We still yell at our kids, forget about the smelly laundry, and burn the dinner. We don't always get the how part right. But I bet you always get the why part right.

And we need to remember these two things.

1. Children are so quick to forgive. (Remember Jesus wants us to be like them for a reason)

2. 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

And it does. And we love our children deeply. And they love us deeply. And that's our why.

I pray that this makes sense (because I'm writing from a very sleep deprived state) and that it encourages you in your journey. Because it is just that. Yours. And it won't necessarily look like anyone else's. You've got this.

Be blessed, friends.

Rest and Hope for 2014

As a preface you may want to read my recap of 2013. Or not.

This year when I started to prepare for my New Year's Resolutions I asked the Lord what I needed in this year. What does this year need to be for me? The first word that came to mind was Hope. I think as a part of the healing I went through in 2013 I let go of a lot of cynicism. I finally feel the freedom to Hope. And, Oh My, I'm in daily need of Hope.

But it also seemed like I kept hearing a whisper saying, "Rest."

"Two words?" I thought, "I can only have one. I need to decide between the two."

As I slowed down and starting thinking about both of these words I realized they are inseparable. Hope and Rest. Rest and Hope. I need them both.

You know when you get a new car and you you suddenly start seeing cars exactly like yours everywhere you drive though you ever noticed that model before? Well, after I decided on Hope and Rest for my words this year it was like that. Songs on the radio, messages at church, blogs I read, all talking about Hope and Rest! One blog post had the most beautiful way of explaining the relationship between the two:

Hope is really about rest. Resting in the imperfections of today because you believe that tomorrow there is possibility.

I had written this down on New Year's day:

"Rest, because I feel I need a reminder to slow down and focus. Also, because I want to rest in the promises of the Lord. Which leads me to HOPE."

This is the song I sing the most right now. It is my prayer. My meditation. I want it to be my breath prayer.



 So, I wrote out a list of things I'm hoping for in 2014:
~ House sold
~ Our New House!!!
~  Financial freedom and peace
~ Better job (for HH) or Peace and Favor at current job
~ A year of health (No more ER trips, please!)

There are other, more immediate things I am hoping for right now and I'm sure there will be more through out the year, but this is my list of "big" hopes, if you will.

I sat down to use a portion (#22) of Ann Voskamp's Grace Plan for 2014 and ended up using her whole list as a base for my goals. Much of what she listed is what I want for myself. Why re-write what has already been so poetically penned.

For my specific 2014 goals I decided against "fixes" I wanted in my life and decided for the things that I felt just make me more whole person: daily disciplines, intentional/relational parenting, respecting and joyfully serving my husband, pursuing friendships.

And, of course, I always have a long list of books to read. This is just my "serious reading" list.

Books To Read:
These are the books on my shelf (minus one I still need to purchase) that I want to use to help me be a better me, mom, and wife. The ones marked (devo) are those that I plan to use in my morning devotional time. The others will probably be my night time reading books. Most are carried over from last year's list. Some I have already started.

Shepherding A Child's Heart
Love & Logic for Parenting
Sheet Music
Dare to Be (devo)
David (devo)
Children: In Life, In Meetings, In Our Hearts
The Power of a Praying Wife (devo)
The Love Dare (devo)
Preteen Wise
The Father Heart of God (devo)
Practical Theology for Women (devo)
Love and Respect 
I Will Look Up (devo)

I know we are already a month into the New Year and this may seem like a late post I actually waited on purpose. Although my goals, thoughts, and desires for the year were written down on the 1st of January, I like to wait a bit to see if anything changes. Posting a month late is also a good reminder to stay focused or to get re-focused.

I'm still excited about this year and I know it holds good things for us all. May we seek them with the eyes of a child.

Did you set goals for the New Year? Do share!

A little encouragement for the soul

The days have been busy and the nights not so restful. I'm a little weary yesterday and today. Here are a few things that are ministering to my heart today and I thought I'd share in the case that maybe you need a little encouragement too. Be blessed my friends!

A lovely post from Ann Voskamp.

And a prayer song to snuggle our hearts right next to our Father's.



What has been an encouragement to you this week?

Letting Them Love Me

A while back I posted on Facebook something along the lines of "I could really use a break , but I can't think of anyone one I'd rather go with than my kids." It was one of those "strong feelings + Facebook = post that's not exactly what I wanted to get across" situations.

There were quite a few comments of the "Oh! You're so sweet, but mommies need breaks" variety which I totally appreciated, but they left me feeling like I didn't really say what I wanted to. Like I wasn't able to fully put my feelings into words and so I was giving the wrong impression. So people misunderstood.

I don't know. What ever it was, it left me feeling like I needed to hash those feeling out.

I'm with my kids almost 24/7. We do pretty much everything together. And I love it. We are all human and far from perfect, but I love my little family and I love that I get to be with them all the time. But I find myself surprised that they want to be with me.

Though HH knows me better than anyone else, it's my kids who see the nastiest parts of me because they are with me the most. They also challenge me the most. Nothing else in my life has left me feeling so bare and raw like motherhood has. Daily I am faced with my weakness and imperfections. And my kids have a front row seat!

Recently, after almost a solid two weeks at home due to sickness, I was getting ready to leave for a few hours for my niece's birthday party. I was going alone and was looking forward to a little break and a time to revive and refresh. Conversations with adults! Right before I left the younger three kids started crying because I was going to be leaving. "You get to spend the whole evening with your daddy and you don't get to spend very much time with him. This is a treat!"

"But Mom," Amelia said, "We don't get to spend very much time with you either!"

Seriously?!?! While it made me giggle, it brought up the same question in my heart again. They want to be with me? Still?

I know I want to be with them. I adore them. But in the back of my mind I always think they're tired of me or don't want to be around me because I make so many mistakes. I yell too much and don't play games enough. I'm selfish and distracted. I have a hard time letting them help in the kitchen and I am the main rule enforcer. The list is truly endless.

But when I thought about it, most times when I desperately need/want to get away, it's because I'm feeling inadequate and frustrated with myself. But they aren't.And this catches me off guard.

What I'm surprised by is their ability to love me despite my weakness and failings. They love me so unconditionally. And they challenge me to love them back unconditionally. Sometimes it's hard not to take their tantrums and sassing personally, and I assume they would feel the same about my imperfections.

Just so you know, I'm not saying mommas and daddies don't need breaks. I'm just realizing in my own heart, for me, there are many times where the break that I think I need is really me running from my imperfections and my frustrations with myself. But because parenting is what is bringing those personal weaknesses to the forefront, I turn and blame my children.

What I think I meant to say in that original Facebook post is that I want to run towards my kids in my raw and bare moments. I want to accept their unconditional love and I want to return it. I want to embrace my weakness and trust that God will be my strength in those moments. I want my kids to see that. I don't want to be afraid of their love.

Parenting is so very hard and there is nothing that will truly "make you ready" for it. But maybe if we open ourselves to the love and grace our little's have for us it would be just a bit easier?

Dickens said, "It is not a slight thing when those so fresh from God love us." I think he is right. And I think they can teach us how to love better if we let them.

Chocolate Cake and Ramblings

This post may be a bit silly, but I feel a bit silly. It may be the chocolate cake that I'm about to tell you about. Or it may be that there's been to much serious pondering going on in my head and it needed a break. What ever the reason, here it is.

I've been on an egg free diet for four years this month and yesterday was the first time I thought about searching Pinterest for an eggless chocolate cake. I wish that this was a reflection of the level of my personal discipline, but it is not.

But enough about that. The thing is, I did search Pinterest for an eggless chocolate cake recipe. And I found one! And it's good!

I was looking for a recipe so I could make an egg free desert this weekend for our belated Christmas gathering with HH's family. When I found the recipe I was so excited about it's potential that, even though it was only and hour-and-a-half before the kid's bed-time, I bribed them with cake for breakfast if they would hurry into their jammies and sit down to let Netflix babysit them so I could make the cake. They were so excited. And unusually cooperative. When I served them their breakfast of chocolate cake this morning I encouraged (or made) them to sing, "Mommy's great! She gives us chocolate cake!"

Oddly enough, after eating the cake they all asked for eggs claiming they just needed some protein to go with their breakfast. My children are strange. And healthier than I am. Apparently I'm doing a good job at training them though!

This is the recipe.

(Note: I didn't try her frosting recipe. But the cake is good. Also, 180 degrees Celsius means 350 degrees Fahrenheit.)

I'm sure that part of my obsession with this cake is that fact that I have not had any chocolate cake in four years. But, growing up with a mom for a baker gives me (in my mind) a pretty good background in cake testing. Not that I'm bragging or anything, but I'm pretty much a professional. Except that I don't get paid. Wouldn't it be lovely to get paid to taste test cakes?!

Other things I loved about that cake: it was very moist and the texture was a lovely combination of dense and fluffy. It was denffy? Flunse?

But I really think my most favorite part of the cake it that it is supposedly an old recipe from war times when food was rationed. Thus, the egglessness. Chocolate cake and nostalgia all rolled up into one perfect package.

It may have had more of a nostalgic impact on me since I enjoyed my first piece whilst watching the first episode of the new seasons of Downton Abbey. It just felt right. I loved the episode, too. Although there were many memorable lines, my favorite was from Lady Grantham to Lord Grantham, "When you talk like that, I'm tempted to call nanny, and have you put to bed with no supper." She really makes the show.

The only downside of watching the premiere was getting to bed an hour later than I planned and needed to. I was a bit tired this morning and maybe a wee sluggish through out the day. But that may also have been from the chocolate cake I had for breakfast. 

A Recap of My 2013

I realize that this post is really more for me than anything, but I pushed the publish button just in case someone may be crazy enough to read it through and, if they were, I hope they were encouraged.

I read this post by Dave Ramsey this last week and showed it to HH because we had been discussing the "Why" of list making and setting goals. I love to. HH hates to. After he read it he turned to me and, with a laugh, said, "So basically, you should be rich and I should be poor?"

That wasn't exactly the point I was trying to get across, but whatever. I love to make lists and only recently have realized that making lists is like setting goals. For a few years I hated the idea of New Year's resolutions. They made me feel like a failure. In advance.

A few years ago, though, I changed my perspective and now, instead of seeing the list of things I failed to accomplish, I purpose to look at all I did accomplish that I probably wouldn't have without goals.

If you look at the list I wrote for last year I wouldn't blame you for assuming that I came up way short of my goal. But there is this part preceding the actual list. The part where I spilled my heart for the year on the page. When I read that today, after I had already written down my goals for 2014, I knew. I had reached my goals for 2013.

"Tomorrow is the start of a new year. In a way I look forward to the next 12 months. So much potential awaits in the white space that makes up 2013. But I'm also afraid that it will be another year that I disappoint myself. A year that I'll waste the white space and fail in so many other ways. It is disappointing to get to the end of another year and realize that my goals for the next year are no different than the previous because I failed to meet any of my goals. It's not that I haven't grown or changed. I can acknowledge that much. But I want more. I want to grow and succeed. I want this to be the last year that my weight is part of my yearly goal. I want to know more deeply who I am as defined by Christ. I don't need a different mission or an outlet. I want to be who I was created to be right where I am at. I love my husband and my kids. I love living for them. I want to be more settled into me as a wife and mom. I want to be a better friend and teacher to my kids. But I know I'll only find that in knowing who I am in Christ."

After this I wrote my goals.

My first written goal was to read through the Bible. I'm so proud of myself. I got half way through my reading plan. I've never read that much of the Bible in one year.

My second written goal was to FINALLY lose the weight I've been struggling with for too many years to count. I listed the actual numbers, something I won't do here. :) And if you looked at those numbers and then at my scale while I'm standing on it and saw that I only lost 10 pounds this last year, you'd probably raise an eye brow and tell me I have a pretty face. ;) But the true weight I lost was a weight in my heart. And I honestly can say I met my goal.

It's not that I needed for me to lose an allotted amount of weight last year. What I wanted was to find freedom from using food as a drug. I wanted to look into my heart and my past and take care of the wounds, release the bitterness, and forgive the offenses that I was holding onto and replaying over and over when I was down. All of those things always left me feeling a need to medicate or numb myself. It was more than I could take. And so I would eat. Some people drink. Some people smoke. Some use drugs. I ate.

It's not that I don't plan to loose any more weight. It's just that it's not just about the weight anymore. And I still struggle, but not like I used too. This last year I learned how to fight. I was encouraged by this quote from Joyce Meyers, "You are not fighting for victory. You are fighting FROM victory." My view has changed.

I wish I would have had the freedom to journey through it here with you all so maybe it wouldn't seem so random of me to say it now, but I just couldn't. Somethings are too personal and somethings are just hard for me to put into words. I will say I read/worked through the Lose It For Life book and journal and it was one of the main tools this year that helped me find freedom.

My other written goal for 2013 was to save a certain amount of money. That so didn't happen. But again, even though this year has been hard, I'm happy and excited about where HH and I are financially. Not because we have tons of money, but because it feels like we are finally working towards the same goal. (We wrote out a budget for January and are trying to stick to it like glue. Shhhhhh! Don't tell HH that we really made a list and goals! He may be tempted to burn it just for the sake of being right!)

As for the other desires I wrote down, even though I feel like I am failing in so many areas multiple times a day as a wife and mom, I am so proud of how far I have come. Maybe some of the change has come from realizing that every day doesn't have to look the same for us to be productive (list making/efficiency addict finds freedom!).

I know that a big change happened when I realized that I love my life. That may sound strange, but I think I was afraid of admitting that I love to homeschool and spend most of my time with my kids. I felt like I was supposed to want more. Not that I don't ever need a break, but I truly love what I do. I don't homeschool and stay at home with my kids out of fear or because it's easy or because my husband makes me (which is what I used to think :)) or even out of conviction. I do it because I want to. Because I love it. This is what I always wanted to do, and I am so glad I get to do what I love.

I just read this quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald and I think it really sums up what I accomplished in 2013:

"For what it's worth; it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. 

I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, 

I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

I feel like I reach my ultimate goal of 2013. Knowing more deeply who I am in Christ. And really, that's the main purpose behind my goals for 2014.

The Christmas Pajamas 2013 and traditions

I was at a Christmas party recently where guests were asked to share a Christmas family tradition. Since we are really still a young family we don't have many traditions yet. Only in the last few years have we done a whole Christmas Eve and Christmas day with just our little clan so we are still creating those traditions. I think I shared the tradition that you'll see in this post; the kids in their Christmas Eve pajamas.

As others were sharing I remembered a childhood tradition but I didn't have time to share it at the party so I thought I would share it here. Because it's that good.

Growing up our family had quite a few traditions. Some we loved and some we have been okay letting go of. This one falls in the middle. Our Great Grandma, or Old Old Grandma as we called her, lived in Idaho and so every year she sent presents. She would call our mom early in the fall, ask our ages and sizes, and then drive herself to Sears and buy us clearance underwear... from the women's department. Big, taupe granny panties.

Our family's tradition was to open presents from our out of state family on Christmas Eve and then presents and stockings from our parents on Christmas morning. We all have strong, humorous memories of the anticipation and dread of opening Old Old Grandma's gifts.

We anticipated finding out who got the largest most hideous pair that year, but we dreaded knowing what we were getting. Because it wasn't just a monstrous pair of granny panties that we were receiving. We also received the privilege of  returning said underwear to Sears in after-Christmas crowds, getting an in-store credit of $4.95 per child and then trying to figure out what the heck you could buy with $4.95 from Sears. Plus the humiliation of returning huge taupe granny panties.

Needless to say, we were all pleased when Old Old Grandma started sending $5 checks in individually labeled envelopes.

I've thought about hiring someone to send my kids huge taupe granny panties just because the memory is such a fun one, but for now we'll start with new pajamas on Christmas Eve.

This year I wrapped all four sets in one box and included some candy and popcorn and we had a movie night after the kids got changed into their new pj's. We watched White Christmas. It was the kids' first time and I think we'll add that to our tradition.

So, to continue on with the picture tradition (although this year we didn't have a tree).

Christmas 2011

Christmas 2012

Christmas 2013

They are all so big! And wonderful! What are some of your traditions? Maybe we can borrow some. :)

A Krooked Kastle Nursery Rhyme - ish

There once was a young-ish mother who lived in a Krooked Kastle.
When with her handful of children people would stop to say, "I bet that's a hassle."

She'd look at her babies, smile wide, and offer:

"Oh there's laundry, and dishes, and meal times galore,
And Legos and hair barrettes litter my floor.

My clothes are rarely clean, my hair is in a permanent bun,
And most days reading the same book fifty times over is what we call fun.

There are tantrums and attitudes from both me and the kids,
At night they rarely stay tucked in their beds.

But let me tell you,these moments are few
Compared to this next list I have for you.

Kisses, snuggles, sweet smiles to greet me,
Presents of drawings completed so neatly.

Laughter and games, singing and books,
Inquisitive minds,and long loving looks.

Hearts that are tender, minds that are open,
All that they need is my love and devotion.

So, yes, my hands they are full, of the very best things.
When I'm with my children, this heart of mine sings.

Counting my blessings helps me to see
The beauty in them staring right up at me.

I love what I do, I hope that's easy to see.
Thank you, Dear Stranger, for chatting with me."


Counting my blessings today. May we all see them more clearly every day.

Mommy or Servant

Sunday morning I woke up a bit frustrated. I'm not sure what all I was upset about, but later in the day after getting every one to and from church and coming home where all my family dispersed to relax expecting me to put lunch together I realized I was fighting a bad attitude. "Every one just expects things of me. No one offers to help. What would they do if I just sat down and didn't make lunch? I'm the only one who keeps things going around here."

I am thankful that I recognized the grumbling in my heart for what it was. A war. Selfishness.  I set myself to fight against it, though it was a battle that took some time. HH came in the kitchen to ask me what was wrong. After I explained my struggle he stayed and helped me finish lunch. :)

As we sat down to eat I popped an apple pie in the oven for our dessert. Of course it wasn't done right when we finished eating and all the kids grew restless and bored of the conversation we were trying to keep going to keep them entertained. By the time it was done very few of us were left in the kitchen. Mostly just me and the occasional visit from the children asking if the pie was done
 yet.

Right before I pulled it out of the oven Amelia came in sassily demanding, "Mom, I really want to taste that pie so get your booty to work."

"Hey!" I said, "You sure are being rude, missy."

Hazel had come in at the same time and agreed with me, "Yeah. Don't be rude to the servant."

I just had to stop. I stood there for a moment. One, I didn't even know how to respond. These kids leave me speechless  on a daily basis. Laugh? Correct? I don't know anymore.

Two, I knew internally I was standing at a cross-road. I could choose to let my six-year-old's innocent comment feed into the lies that I was already fighting in my head or I could see her remark for what it was. An imaginative child playing her fairy tale out in my kitchen.

The lies say my kids don't appreciate me; they don't see all the things I do for them. The truth is they see me for who I am: the one who takes care of them.Their Mom.

HH had missed the conversation so I told him about it. Hazel chimed in, "Yeah, because mommy is the servant."

"Yes," HH replied, "She is a servant. Jesus is a servant, too. Mommy is like Jesus."

Gah! So many things happened in my heart at that moment. Conviction. Encouragement. A re-girding of the truth. I can't tell you what it does to this heart that thrives on words of affirmation when my man-of-few-words talks like that!

 I love my job. I love my life. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love homeschooling. I love cooking for my family. I love caring for them. I love training them. I love being with them. I live to enjoy them. That, my friends, is my truth.

May you be encouraged to see your truth today.

Blessings!

2013 Book List

I know that technically these posts were supposed to come out in the first month of the year, but I was busy. And I was still perfecting my list.

I love reading. I love books. If you were to come into my house you would know this right away as this is the beast that greets you at the door:

The empty shelf is where I keep the diaper bag for now. Until I get more books.

My dream house has a large library with a rolling ladder, like the one in Beauty and the Beast, and a deep window seat covered in fluffy pillows and quilts. And a place for my coffee. Since I know that dream is a ways off I let myself have a smaller dream: to fill this book shelf. This last summer I bought over 200 books at garage sales.

We also have three baskets of kids books in our family room. We read a lot.

Last year I, personally, read at least 32 books. Most of them were fiction. Most of them I could hardly give you precise details about. I read for pleasure. Not for memorization.

This year I decided I need to add some depth to my reading list and have picked many books to encourage my mind, spirit, and soul. These books take me longer to read through because I actually try to retain some of the information. And that takes work.

Last winter I started a Book Club on facebook with some fellow bookworms. We were really faithful until my computer died at the end of spring and I moved out for two months so we could remodel our bathroom. But we read some fun books!

Anyways, we are trying to get going again but we are all so busy. I don't have the reading list for that yet so I'm just going to tell you what I plan to read on my own this year.

For my morning devotional time:

The Bible
I've never read the Bible cover to cover and this year Abiah and HH are doing this with me. Abiah and I are using BibleStudyTools.com. HH is using an app on his phone.

Do What You Can
I read this ebook in January and really recommend it. It was simple to read and every day I walked away with a piece of encouragement.

David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His
This is a Beth Moore study that I got last fall and have wanted to do for years. This is next on my "morning devo" plan.

Lose It for Life & coordinating workbook
I have the workbook and am waiting for the book to come. After hearing some personal testimonies I've decided to add this study to my plan for the year. I'm excited to get started.

Dare to Be
I picked this devotional up at the Dare to Be conference in Portland a few weeks ago. I was inspired and challenged to begin dreaming again and I want that to continue.

Practical Theology for Women
I started this book last summer and never finished. I hate not finishing a book! Especially one I enjoyed.

As a Wife:
I'd like to add a few more books to this category. Any suggestions?

The Power of a Praying Wife

Sheet Music

As a Momma:
I'm not sure I'll get through this whole list this year, but I'd like to read all of these at some point.

For the Children's Sake

Shepherding a Child's Heart

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

The Mother at Home

The Missional Mom

The Hidden Art of Homemaking

The Well Trained Mind


As a Bookworm:
Most of these are books I bought at garage sales last year and want to read.

The Innocence of Father Brown

The Phantom of the Opera
Almost finished!

The Man Who Was Thursday

The Glass Castle

Howard's End

Marta and the Nazis

When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit

The Help

The Woman Who Would Be Queen


What are you reading this year? Have you read any that are on my list?

Our Christmas

Like I mentioned the other day, we decided to do "Christmas" with our kids early. Our Christmas Eve began on Friday night with the kids opening their Christmas pajamas.

The nest morning dawned dark and early. We began the day with the traditional cup of cocoa for the kids and the necessary cup of coffee for mom and dad.

The kids wanted to open stocking first. It was crazy! And Jackson took full advantage of his distracted siblings by walking around to all of their piles and digging through to find the goodies he wanted...even though he had his own. The kids consumed more sugar in those few minutes then they are used to getting in one day.

After presents and breakfast Jackson napped and the other kids sat and played with their new toys. The girls got body spray, lip gloss, and nail polish in their stockings. Our house was overwhelmed by an apple/vanilla cloud all day long and the girls lips never lost their shimmer.

Friends and family have been delivering meals all week as I recover and that night a friend brought us a London broil steak dinner with mashed potatoes and veggies. It was the perfect finish to our laid back holiday.

I had lots of plans for our family Christmas celebration. Goodies I wanted to make, a nice dinner I wanted to serve. Activities to lead up to our celebration together. Letting go of those plans and taking advantage of the time we had to spend with HH at home was perfect. The kids have no idea that I didn't do all the things I planned to do. They loved our Christmas. And so did I. It was the perfect day.

And HH and I were wise enough to remind each other that there was going to be a huge lack of sleep/sugar overload crash in the evening so we weren't side swiped by its appearance. Bed time was the perfect cure.

Merry Christmas! And may all your holiday plans be Merry and Bright!

The After

So, Friday we left off with empty cupboards, pantry, and fridge. Because Hazel woke up sick Thursday morning I had to change my plans for Friday. HH ended up staying home with the older three kids while Jackson and I took off around noon to do our grocery shopping with my mom. We had a fun but crazy day.

We left our house about 20 minutes before noon. When we got to my parents my mom was on the phone so we went inside, chatted a bit with my dad, listened in on my mom's phone call, and had some crackers. When we left my mom's house we went into the town near by to go to the bank and to get gas. After we were done there we stopped at the local fruit stand on the way into town. Then we stopped for lunch.

After lunch we hit Target, Trader Joe's, Winco, Starbucks (for all the hard work), and finally Costco. It was after six when we left Costco and I'm so glad I picked up a few of their deli pizzas because I was pooped! I still had two stores to get a few random items at but decided to hold off because, if you remember, my family was at home with nothing to eat!

Happy Fridge!

Happy Cupboard #1!

Happy Cupboard #2!

Happy pantry!

Happy fruit corner and extra happy hot tamale jar!

 Tomorrow I'll let you know what I've planned for our meals!

Playing Chicken with the pantry

The end of the month is always an exciting time around here when it comes to our meals. I shop once a month for all of our main grocery supplies and we run to the store for fresh fruit and veggies and for milk etc. So every month there is a period of time that lasts a few days to a week where I get creative with the items left in the house. Most of the time this seems to be a heavy carb time for us.

Of course I prefer to have full cupboards, fridge and freezer, but this time forces me to be creative and use what we have on hand. I like using up all the odds and ends that would usually just get lost in the back of the cupboard or freezer. This is what my cupboards, pantry, and fridge look like right now.

Cupboard #1: Top shelf: baking products, Middle shelf: rice and pasta, Bottom shelf: canned goods

Cupboard #2: Top shelf: Storage for larger pantry items, Middle shelf: random foods, Bottom shelf: Oatmeal and other breakfast items.

Pantry: Mostly empty

Fridge: Mostly empty also. I know there are carrots in that drawer but believe me when I say you do NOT want to eat them. Their a bit...wrinkled.

Monday we were at a party so I didn't cook. Tuesday I found a package of elk steaks in the freezer and made elk steaks in mushroom gravy. I served it with the last of the brown rice I bought a few months ago. I didn't like it so I wasn't using it but I decided to use it and get it out of the way. I also served the last of the frozen peas I found hidden in the freezer.

Wednesday night my SIL and her kids came over so we made a hodge-podge dinner of left over taco soup,  homemade mac n' cheese with hotdogs, and canned green beans. Thursday I fed the kids sandwiches and random leftovers while Hot Hubby and I dined on cheap party pizzas he bought a few days ago. Classy, huh?

I'm glad today is my shopping day. The nutritional value of our meals is about to get 100 times better than it has been this last week. I've been planning meals based on what we have left in our house and I'm looking forward to cooking real meals again and having fresh fruit and veggies.

Do you ever play Chicken with your cupboards and fridge? Do you like to be creative with your cooking? What's the most creative meal you've come up with?

My Library

I mentioned last week that my dream is to have a library in my home. I thought I'd give you a glimpse of what my library looks like right now.

Though this shelf isn't all books it's a step closer to my dream. Hot Hubby and his dad have moved this shelf twice and have tried to burn it a few times more than that. But I love this shelf. It was left at a house I lived at when I was growing up. My mom just told me it used to be a library shelf. I'm just helping it fulfill it's destiny.

Because this area of the house is gated off to keep a certain one year old out of the toilet and from escaping out the front door I have a few baskets of books in the main living area of our house. This may be another area that my quirks come shining through. Although I prefer to see it as being organized.

This is the basket for board books.

This is the basket for paper back books.

This is the basket that we keep hard bound books and our toddlers apparently.

"Mommy, I'm stuck."

Cute baby!

Baby toes!

That's a moment

The moment on a Friday afternoon when you have emptied the last basket of dirty laundry into the washer feeling good that there won't be any wet clothes or towels sitting over the weekend and then your daughter calls from the bathroom saying that she had an accident. Towels, rugs, clothes all wet fill the basket back up and you have to let it go because you have to go. That's a moment.

The moment you start to get irritated that your one year old is awake from 5am to 6am. But he's not crying. He's just nuzzling your neck and singing. That's a moment.

The moment you hear your husband get home in the early hours of the morning and can tell he's trying to sneak up the creaky stairs so he doesn't wake the kids so he can have a few minutes alone with his woman and he walks in to find at least one but sometimes three chubby babies snuggled under the covers with you and he starts pouting and you remind him that alone time with his woman is what caused this. And you both smile and take in the faces around you. That's a moment.

The moment when your one year old boy starts blowing you kisses even though you didn't teach him how and his 9 year old brother says that he taught the baby how to blow kisses and you realize daddy isn't the only one who needs a gun because watch out ladies! These boys are adorable heart breakers. That's a moment.

The moment when your four year old tells you she's not going to eat anymore so she doesn't grow up because you told her that you never want her to grow up and so you explain to her how much you enjoyed her as a baby. And how much you enjoyed her when she was one. And how much you enjoyed her when she was two. And how much you enjoyed her when she was three. And how much you enjoy her now when she's four. And how you look forward to her being older and older because you know you are going to enjoy her the whole way through. Plus when she gets older you both can share clothes and make-up and it will be so much fun. And she snuggles in close. That's a moment.

The moment your three year old comes and crowds her dad out of your arms because she needs to snuggle right now because you are her momma. Not his momma. Hers. That's a moment.

Have you ever...

...realized that since you've been forced to take the last few weeks easy because of the surgery you had you've been able to get more accomplished during the day and still have time to chill out, maxing, and relax all cool and maybe even have time to shoot some b-ball outside of the school so you promise yourself that you won't let your schedule fill up so much anymore only to turn around and realize that you have something planned every day from Tuesday through Friday and you are so glad you only promised yourself and not the Hot Hubby so you didn't disappoint anyone by breaking a promise?

...set out to make a batch of cookies for your Hot Hubby who asked that you make them since he filled your flour bucket with the 25 pound bag of flour and then you decided to also make a batch of Just For Me Brownies because you just need some and you have people coming over almost every day this week who you think might need some to and when you pull the butter out to add half a cup to each recipe you marvel at how much butter you go through when you bake and figure that's probably the reason you don't bake much only to realize later, when you go to make two batches of corn bread, that you actually put one full cup in each of the previous recipes which may be why the brownies tasted so buttery rich and why the cookies just wouldn't set up right?

...had a moment when you realize that whether your Hot Hubby works nights or days, because it's just a stupid schedule no matter which side you're on, you'll still end up bearing a good portion of the domestic load which is the same load you've been bearing all along and two seconds ago it was light and easy and suddenly it's heavy and daunting and you wonder how things changed so drastically in two minutes and you frantically fight to go back to the weight of two minutes ago and then you remember that while some things remain the same other things change and the four of them won't always be this small and they won't always need you to do the brushing and dressing and nagging and reminding and plus... they won't always be this small?

I think I'm on to something here...

First. A little history/back story. Just so this makes a little more sense.


We attend a super small home church out in the almost middle of nowhere. We don't meet in the same house every week. We like to switch it up between about four or five different houses of the attendees. We either have really short attention spans or we just like to be confusing. Or both. One of the houses we meet in is the one my parents share with our friends. 

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This last Sunday our church was meeting at my parents house. Being that it's like a second home and that I knew we were staying for lunch after church, I decided to dress down this week. Dressing down isn't very different from normal church clothing since since the normal garb is jeans and a nice shirt.

I was going for comfy so I pulled out my black yoga pants and wore them with a blue and grey flannel shirt/white long sleeve t-shirt combo. I've been trying to avoid the frumpy mommy look and so I've not let myself wear yoga pants outside the house very often. (Taking Abiah to music class is about the only time it's been personally acceptable lately.) I felt like I was still presentable since my hair was done up, make up was on, and I had made sure to wear my good yoga pants. Not the ones that look like a mouse has chewed them up.

Surprisingly I wasn't self-conscious of my wardrobe choice. I was comfortable and that was good enough I suppose. I felt that my appearance rating was comfy/cute.

Here's the funny part. This week three different people came up to me and complimented my appearance. No one actually mentioned my pants, but still.

So, maybe yoga pants aren't so bad after all...?

Dear Blogary and A List

When I was younger I tried for many years to keep a journal. I would list my daily activities in my journal consistently for about a week and then get distracted. Which doesn't take much for me.

But we aren't here to discuss my attention span.

Oh! I just painted my finger nails last night and they look so pretty.

Anyways, when I would get back into journaling, say a month or six later, I always felt the need to apologize to my diary for my lack of communication. "Dear Diary, I'm sorry I haven't written much lately. I've been so busy..."

I always went back later and got rid of the evidence of my insanity. Just like I would do when I had worked up the nerve to confess to my diary who my current crush was but then would get struck with the reality that my sisters were sure to find my diary and would most definitely use its contents against me. Most of my diaries are missing many pages.

Please humor me and tell me I'm not the only crazy person who actually talked to their diary like it was  a human whose feeling were hurt from a lack of communication!

No? Well, I guess I'll just chalk it up as another one for the books. For whoever is keeping record.

So, all of that babble is to say that I've been feeling like I needed to get on here and apologize to my blog for my absence. It's odd really that one of the things I count on for helping me sort the crazy in my head is one of the things I have the least time for. Which may explain a lot about my recent mental state (let' just say Hot Hubby is a true prince!).

In order to catch you up on the last few months I thought I'd write a quick list. My last post was on November 16th (yikes!) and since then:

1. We had a fantastic Thanksgiving at my in-laws. This year it was just Hot Hubby, Me, and our kids, my SIL, and Hot Hubby's sweet maternal Grandpa. It was a quiet event and my favorite part was watching Great Grandpa get down on the floor with Hazel and Amelia to play with them and chat with them. SO adorable!

2. This was my first year of Black Friday shopping. After many years of insisting that I would hate it I decided to go along with my MIL and SIL "just for the ride." They've asked me every year since Hot Hubby and I have been married. This year I decided it was worth getting up at 4:30 to hang out with my MIL (and get a few hours off from children) and go browse the shops. I'm officially addicted! We are already saving up for this year. Although there will have to be a better budget set up. FOR SURE!

3. Every weekend in December was BOOKED! Hot Hubby, Abiah and my FIL took one weekend to head up to the Cabela's near Seattle while Jackson, the girls, and I stayed behind with my MIL and did some shopping of our own. I think that my MIL and I shopped three weekends in a row. We may or may not be good for each other in that way.

4. My oldest niece, the one who made me an Auntie, turned 12! She celebrated with a shopping day at the mall and dinner afterwards. I was so excited and honored to be invited to celebrate with her. She has grown into such a delightful little lady. I enjoy her so much and that day was so much FUN!

5. The weekend before Christmas we celebrated the holiday with a weekend bash at my parents. All four of us girls, three of the four spouses, and all FIFTEEN grandchildren. It was crazy and fantastic all wrapped up in one. Great memories were made. And Hot Hubby had a birthday! I'm so glad he was born!

6. Christmas weekend we spent one night with Hot Hubby's family and were home in time for the kids to unwrap their Christmas jammies and set out some cookies and Coke for Santa. It was probably my favorite Christmas since we've been married. Because our extended family celebrations were a week apart we didn't have to rush and we got to have two days just being home with our kiddos. Of course I kept forgetting to take pictures, but here's one of the kids in their new jammies:















7. The New Year brought us back to reality of school and busy life. The major thing on our calendar was Amelia's eye surgery. She needed a strabismus recession (moving the inner eye muscle back) because her eyes were crossing. Though I never would want my almost three year old to have to go through any kind of surgery, I am glad that she had this done. She has been a trooper through the whole experience. Glasses, patching, and surgery all since September. Since she is only three she didn't fully grasp what surgery meant but she let me know she was going to let Dr. Bock "fix her eyes." Thankfully, due to some medications, she was a bit loopy by the time she was taken in for the procedure. When she came out about an hour later she was fussy but easily consoled by sitting with me and rocking. She was tired and slept a lot the first day, but recovered quickly and is back to her normal state of sassy, busy Amelia. We are encouraged by the progress we see in her eyes. And I am so proud of her for being brave and strong through all of this.

Amelia with glasses before surgery.

Amelia without glasses before surgery.

Heading down for surgery.

Watching cartoons!

With glasses post-op. Sorry for the glare. She was being a turd.

Without glasses post-op. Still being a turd.

I do hope to spend a little more time in this corner of my world. I've missed it.

The Sixth Love Language

You may have heard of The Five Love Languages; a book written by Gary Chapman. It's been out for many years now and a great help to many marriages. I know that personally, Hot Hubby and I have benefited from the nuggets of wisdom scattered throughout the book. I even got the Love Language Book for children.

In the last few years I have referred back to that book too many times to count. And it has proven to be helpful. I just felt a need to get it out there that I think there is one Love Language that Gary failed to cover. Maybe it stands out to me because it's just as vital to my everyday living as my native tongue.

The Love Language of Coffee.

There really isn't much of anything that speaks to my heart the way a god cup of strong coffee does. Hot Hubby has blessed me many a time by stopping just to get me coffee. When it's my idea and he complies I like it. When it's his idea I LOVE it!

So, when I woke to find this on the counter this morning I was elated:

Especially since I was up at 4:30 yesterday morning with his kids, and then again multiple times throughout the night with his kids again. Hot Hubby earned himself a few bonus points for that one, let me tell you. And it just tastes so much better when someone else makes it!

So, Mr. Chapman, I love the book. I really do. I just think you may want to revise it to include the data I've personally researched and so thoroughly documented here.

Sincerely,

Shiree aka The Spoiled Wife of Hot Hubby