Monday, October 10, 2011

When Failing is Passing

Usually I get a little disappointed when the schedule I've worked at perfecting gets messed up. There's nothing like thinking you have total control only to be slammed in the face with the reality that you really aren't. But sometimes it's nice to be out of control.

Like when you have been told you need surgery to remove a cyst and possibly an ovary so you plan and prepare both heart and home only to then find out you don't need surgery.

Or when they say, "But we want to do a blood test to see if there is any other cause for malformation" and you ask for specifics and they cautiously use the "C" word so you, being equally cautious, tell your loved ones. But then you receive a phone call letting you know you've failed. You've failed the test which means you really passed.

And you breathe a sigh of relief. Thankful also that this time you also passed the test of fear because you didn't let your mind go there. There being the land of "What will my family do without me?"

This is one time that I am thankful to pull out the eraser and rub the plans away from the pages. This is the first week in a month that there are no doctor appointments for our family. So, I plan to stay home as much as possible and get into the fall routine I was looking forward to starting in September.

What are your plans for the week?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Finding the START

I could make a laundry list of the things that are going wrong around here. It's one of those seasons of life where it feels like there is more wrong than there is right. Sometimes it seems that if I just get it all down on paper I can sort it out, prioritize, and conquer. Because I can do that right? I can fix it all? Kiss the boo-boo. Make it better?

If I could get it all on paper I'm sure I could figure out where to start. It's like a maze with a hidden entrance. Oh, and your status as Super Mom is on the line. So hurry up and find that entrance so you can race through the maze straightening and mending as you go. The storybook picture is messy and it's your job to make it presentable.

Last night Hot Hubby came home and I fell into his arms exclaiming, "I'm feel so derailed! Where do I even start? What do I do?"

Wrapping me securely in his muscular embrace (hubba, hubba) He whispered, "Just hold on to me."

There really is nothing like the partnership of marriage. Having a hot stud for a partner helps, too. Let me tell ya. Or not...

I'm pondering while he's fixing. Why do I always try to fix things on my own when it's so enjoyable to watch him work? Why do I always try to fix it all on my own when the thing I want most is to be partnered with him in everything? This is what I want. Life with him. All to often I try to take on our life's "crazy" all on my own. But the reality is that we signed up to do this thing together. Clogged washing machine drain pipes and all. It's the dream we had. All of life. Always together.

But sometimes I just feel so useless. What's my role in all of this? How do I help? While a stay-at-home-mom should make $115,432 annually, they don't. Not this one, anyways.

I go to the kitchen to start cleaning up from dinner. Behind the noise of running water and running children I hear the song change on the ipod. When I first heard this song months ago I declared a family rule: anytime this song comes on the music gets turned up and everyone has to dance. I hesitate because the dishes need to be done.

Thankfully I ignored the dishes. I come into the living room in time to see Hazel reaching to turn the music up. She knows the rule. And maybe she knows how much we need this. I turn the music up. Loud. And I start to dance.

Hot Hubby looks at me like I'm crazy. But I remind him that it's what he loves about me. The girls are instantly giggling. Even Jackson laughs. Soon we are all dancing. Smiles spread across faces that were just wearing the stress of the day.

I needed that moment. So did they. Because, as the saying goes, if momma aint happy...

So maybe that's my role. To encourage the happy. To find the joy in the everyday and to help them see it too.

"But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation." Psalm 13:5

So that's where I'll start.