'Til My Sides Hurt: Man-child's Gonna Get Slapped One Day

Abiah has a tendency to say what is on his mind, and, without meaning to, sounding completely rude. Sometimes he thinks he's funny, but most of the time he just doesn't realize that he sounds like he's trying to be offensive.

I was talking to my parents about it and made the comment, "The kids gonna get beat up some day because he sounds so rude."

My dad, who is like Abiah's twin born 40 something years earlier, said, "No. I never got beat up. I knew enough not to say that kind of stuff to guys."

"I'm not talking about guys, Dad. He's gonna get slapped by some girl that he'll unknowingly offend!"

"Oh... Yeah... I think I got slapped a few times."

Exactly.

Here are a few gems, plus a few other funny things he's said lately.

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I was lamenting to Abiah that Amelia had left her cream colored jacket outside and it was now all muddy.

He just looked at me with a blank stare and then said, "If I was a girl maybe I'd understand."

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Around Christmas my parents caught the flu and were horribly sick for two weeks. Towards the end of their sickness we had an emergency with Jackson one evening and I needed them to rush over to watch the other kids while HH and I took him to the ER. Because of the situation my parents dropped everything and came right away. My mom, who is always done up, hadn't done her hair or make up because she'd been so sick. When they came in the house Abiah greeted them at the door. He looked at my mom and said, "Hmmmm, bad hair day?"

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During our Christmas at home I made a huge platter of snacky foods for our meal. There was so much that we ended up eating it for a few days after, too. On day three of snacky foods for lunch, Abiah was doing the dishes while I was getting everything set out.

"We're eating that agian?"

"Yup. We need to eat it up."

Then he walked over to a pan of beans I had on the stove and peaked inside to see what was in there.

"Oh good. You're still cooking."

Now this comment was just a timing thing because I found out later that he was actually checking to see if I was still using the pot so he'd know if he had to wash it or not. So, I'll give him that one, but in the future someone else might not be so nice.

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We were making a list of different flowers for school and I had listed some off for him and he repeated them, or what he heard, back to me, "Violets, lilacs, and cockroaches?"

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While dictating to him his spelling words:

Me: Your next word is circumference.

Abiah: Sir Cumference? Do I even know him?

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And a little note from me to the girls he'll meet in the future:

I try. I really do.