Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Another Reason Mommy Doesn't Go Out Much

Last Friday I was given a day off. Well, I took the day off, but my friend gave it to me since she came and watched my kids. For free! (This is a huge miracle since there were only two people who would watch me for my mom when I was Hazel's age. My poor Mother.)

So I went to lunch and did some returning of Christmas presents and shopping of little items I needed or wanted. And I used gift cards so the day was way cheap. Anyways, lunch was nice except for the people who stared at me the WHOLE time I was eating because I was eating alone. Or maybe I had a booger hanging out my nose and didn't know it...we'll say it was the alone thing.

After lunch I went over to Target to return and shop. After browsing for about 45 minutes I stopped to pick up a new tube of lip stick. Mine was at that "gonna have to dig it out with your nail" stage. Since I don't know what brand or color I wear by heart I had to pull my old one out of my purse and check.

I pick out the new tube and place it in the basket I was carrying and put my old one back in my purse. The thought came to my mind that someone was gonna see me and think that I was stealing. And that would be embarrassing. But I checked out without a problem and headed out the door.

And then the door alarm went off.

I stopped a no one came to check me or my stuff so I slowly walked to my car. While in my car I pull my new lip stick out to try some on. It looked good. I made sure to place to wrapper in my ash tray/garbage pile. I then headed over to the mall across the street.

When I finally found a parking spot I had to take an outside escalator to the Barnes & Noble I was headed to. But there was a mall cop at the top of the stairs. I think, "Oh great. Something bad happened." No. The escalator had stopped working. Thankfully they has just restarted it. I have to admit though, the thought that went through my head was, "Yup. That's what mall cops are good for."

I learned my lesson two minutes later. I was on my way to B&N and I hear someone yell, "Get down! Get down! Right now!" I looked around and there were three or four mall cops running through the court yard I was passing to stop four guys who were coming out of the Macy's store.

After gawking for an impolite amount of time I continue on my way and think, "That could have been me at Target!" Then I walk through the doors at B&N and the alarm goes off. I threw my hands up in the air and said, "I just got here!"

Once again, no one came to check me out so I went on my way. I had to stop at the lady's room first. No one was in there so I went to the large stall. 'Cause the small ones make me claustrophobic. A few seconds later someone enters the bathroom and quietly walks up to the stall I'm in, of course, and shakes the handle.

And then does nothing.

I'm thinking, "Crap. They followed me up here to check me out because there are two stalls open still and if they really had to go they would use one of those." But no. That lady is apparently scared of small bathroom stalls too. I don't feel so alone in the world now.

Anyways. I browse B&N and find a book. I purchase said book with said gift cards and go to leave. And wouldn't'cha know it? Those darned alarms went off. AGAIN!

Again I throw my hands into the air. But this time a sales clerk comes and re-scans my book for me. And yet when I went to leave the alarms went off yet again. I told the clerk that they went off when I came in and have no idea what the deal is. He says I'm fine and remarked that if I was wearing Old Navy or GAP clothing I could still have one of their alarms tags on me.

I pictured one of those white plastic alarms that are on clothing and was like, "I think I would know if I had one of those on me." I was indeed wearing Old Navy. But it was a shirt bought at a second hand store and given to me by a friend. So home I went.

And then it hit me...about 45 minutes later. Call me slow. I blame it on motherhood.

I had new pants on. From Old Navy. And Old Navy puts these irritating little square tags in the hip of their jeans that you have to cut out so it doesn't cut into your hip. And apparently so you can get in and out of stores without the possibility of a strip search. Because that's what it would have taken to figure out what was setting those stupid alarms off!


LaFonda Dunlap said...

Still funny even though it's my second time to hear it! Good job in keeping your father and I entertained!

Anonymous said...