Look here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part4 and Part 5.
After my Schmooshy Amelia was born I wasn't sure I would be having anymore kids. I love giving birth (I'm weird. I know.), but I don't want to be a mom who goes crazy because she has too many kids. A wise woman once told me that "just because we can do something, doesn't mean we should."
I know that every life that God gives us to parent is and will be a blessing. I just feel like there is a point where the things that I want for my kids and that I want to be for my kids will be taken over by fatigue and the business of staying alive and keeping everyone else alive. Nathan and I desire to have personal and intentional relationships with our kids. And some can do that and have 12 or more kids. I don't know that I'm one of those. I don't know what that number is for us. We have just decided to take it one kid at a time. Unless we end up having twins or something. -Insert nervous laughter here-
When Amelia turned 6 months and I wasn't pregnant, I was happy. When she was 15 months and I wasn't preparing for the upcoming arrival of another one I was elated. Up to this point watching movies, tv shows or hearing about others being pregnant had little effect on me. I was happy. For them. But I still wasn't ready.
Then Rachel from Grasping for Objectivity announced she was pregnant and I felt a twinge of jealousy. Within a few months I knew of at least 6 other women who are expecting. And everywhere I went there were pregnant women! When I would see a pregnant woman in a store I had to hold back tears. When I would see a baby it was worse. I waited about a month to tell Nathan to make sure I wasn't just being hormonal.
He would have loved it if we would have gotten pregnant within a year after having Amelia. He's crazy. But he's also patient and he was sensitive to wait until I was ready to take that step.
When I found out mid-August that I was pregnant I called our family and close friends the same day. When I called my best friend in Utah and she asked me when I found out, I shocked her with the reply, "About 30 minutes!" I had to tell everyone. Right away!
I was happy. No. I was excited! And knowing that I was excited made me even more happy and more excited. It was such a welcoming change from the previous time of being scared and unsure. Of course, I still have moments of those feelings, too. But not very often.
Many people have asked us how many more we plan to have. Most assume we are "shooting for a boy this time to even things out." But we don't have a number. And my "even" is very different from most people's.