and ?

November 21st. The evening before Thanksgiving we were at my in-laws spending the night. I had a feeling that day that I may be "late" for a reason other than my cycle adjusting as it is sometimes prone to do. I snuck out of the house for a quick trip to the pharmacy. Within 5 minutes of my return I knew I was right. There were two lines on the stick. But they were faint so I needed to reassure myself by taking another test.

I spent the evening texting HH trying to use my super human powers to get him to check his phone that was most likely in his locker, which is where he's supposed to keep it while at work. He did end up calling on his break in the wee hours of the morning and I told him to stop and get another test before he came to his parents the next morning. Morning pee is always better. Every woman knows that!

I met him at the door and without so much as a "hello" or greeting kiss snatched the paper bad out of his hands and was on my way to the bathroom. Once again, two lines.

We were a bit surprised. We always know it's a possibility because we do the calendar method and sometimes a person's  math can be a bit off. Even though we'd had many discussions about whether four was our number or if we wanted to have more and hadn't come up with an answer I was excited. And at peace. I just kept looking at my other babies and thinking, "I just love them so much! Why not have another one!"

We told our parents and siblings but decided to keep it a secret from everyone else. I had a plan. I don' usually wait to say something. To me, as soon as there are two lines I want to tell everyone. That baby, as small as it may be, is a life and I want to celebrate it!

This time, however, I wanted to announce it with a Christmas card. In our almost 8 years of marriage I don't know that I've ever got Christmas cards out in the mail. Every year I plan to. I know that there were even a few years where I wrote letters and they sat for months after the New Year not being mailed. This year was going to be different and now I had a good incentive!

November 27th. I order cards from Costco. I picked out a picture of each of the kids and one of me and HH together, arranged them on the card. I already knew what I wanted to say on the card. I just hoped there is room. There is and it reads:

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we!

Let all within us praise His holy name!

Nathan, Shiree, Abiah,

Hazel, Amelia, Jackson, and ?

The first two lines are from the third verse of my favorite Christmas carol, O Holy Night. They speak of joy that we feel and the praise we raise. And then there are the names. Mine scratched with those of  my favorite people on this spinning ball. And we are praising and rejoicing in the gift He has given this year. We talk about the future and the kids debate: girl or boy.

Three days later I wake with what feels like the worst gas pain in the universe. It's a half hour before HH is due to be home but I call him anyways because something inside me says this isn't right. He assures me he's on his way home. I try to go to the bathroom and end up in the shower letting the hot water run down my back. By the time HH does get home the pain has subsided. 

The whole ordeal lasted around 45 minutes and I assume that my original suspicions are correct. Gas. Of the "makes you wanna gouge your eyes out" variety.

The next day. Saturday, December 1st. The kids and I wake and prepare for our monthly grocery shopping expedition including shopping for all the Christmas goodies we plan to make for friends and family. We are taking my MIL along with us. We get to her house around 10:15 and begin the crazy adventure right away.

Fred Meyers

Goodwill drop-off

Bi-Mart

Safeway

When we get to Safeway I start to feel hungry. I push it aside knowing that we will eat after this stop. By the time we leave about and hour and a half later I'm having pain in my stomach. I assume it's because I've waited to long to eat. We pick up some food and head back to my MIL's to put cold food in her fridge. When we leave there I'm still in pain and it's getting worse, but I still think it's gas. In fact I think it's gas all the way through the rest of our shopping day:

Dave's Killer Bread

Bob's Red Mill

Trader Joe's

Party City

Micheal's

Penzy's

Winco (because Party City didn't have what we needed)

And finally Costco.

When we get back to my MIL's she has wisely suggested I stay at her house until HH gets off work so he can follow me home and help me with the groceries and the kids. In the meantime I head to her guest room to rest and try to get relief from what I'm still thinking is gas. My MIL had recommended calling the advice nurse and why I hadn't thought of that I don't know. 

The midwife on call and I both are now worried it may be appendicitis or a tubal pregnancy and she says to head to the ER right away. My FIL insists on driving me since HH is still at work and will have to meet me there. FIL and I leave joking around and telling fart stories and jokes on the drive and while waiting in the ER. Thankfully the initial wait isn't long. But the night did turn long. 

Because I was pregnant the first test they do is an ultra sound. They think they see a possible cyst on my right side ovary but it's too early in my pregnancy to expect to see anything in the uterus so they aren't surprised when they don't see anything there. They can't see my appendix with an ultra sound so they wanna to a CT. But they can't since I'm pregnant, so they wanna do an MRI. 

Here panic mode set in and I had to make myself do something I never wanted to do. Thankfully HH was able to stand right next to my head and hold my hand. And through the fluster of my anxiety I was able to know exactly what I needed to get through that 20 minute test: No socks. No blanket on my legs. Arms above my head. Holding HH's hand and staring into his milk chocolate eyes.

The test showed that it wasn't my appendix and showed more clearly that there was indeed something wrong with my right ovary. The OB Dr's apprehension was that it could have been a cyst that would just go away and I would have a normal pregnancy or it could be a tubal pregnancy. There were risks to doing surgery and there were risks to waiting. 

Due to the amount of pain I was I in new we just needed to do the surgery and trust that God would direct the Dr. By 4 am Sunday, December 2nd I was in surgery. Two hours later I woke up in recovery and the nurse confirmed our suspicions  Tubal pregnancy. The Dr had to remove the lower portion of my right Fallopian tube where the egg had attached itself.

This story is long. But I feel like it's not even over. I write it down because I need to. For me. I know as you read through it may have seemed hopeless and maybe a downer of a post. But through it all I've felt a sense of peace. And I've been able to see my prayers answered.

Our Christmas cards speak of the joy we feel and the praise we raise. And though initially we meant that for something else, we still are rejoicing and praising. Because even in the hard and sad times you can. And I must.

I am thankful for and rejoicing that:

My MIL was able to help me on Saturday and for the wisdom she spoke

My FIL humor and gentleness 

HH. Even after being up for over 24 hours, sat up with me all night and reassured me when I was scared, helped me through one of my worst fears, cried with me when we knew our dreams were shattering, and has always, ALWAYS, loved me unconditionally.

My beautiful babies. I miss them. They are such good kids. The are the greatest blessing.

An OB Dr who was sensitive to us and acknowledged the life growing within me but knew to take the danger seriously.

The wisdom and clarity that the Dr had during the surgery.

Coming out of anesthesia wasn't hard this time. It was peaceful and easy.

Fantastic nursing staff.

My mom and sister visiting us in the hospital. Whenever I'm hurt or sad, instinctively I want to be surrounded by three people: HH, my Mom, and my PinDin. 

The beautiful shiny bird my sister gave me in remembrance of our tiny. Put a bird on it. Makes it better.

My in-laws bringing our van load of groceries home and putting them all away. They truly are the best.

My mom coming over and cooking and organizing all the groceries I bought so they don't go to waste while I'm on two weeks of bed rest.

The friends and family who have shown an overwhelming amount of love and support with notes, texts, meals, childcare, and love.

My Jesus, who loves me so intimately that He would give me wisdom during an anxiety inducing experience, give me peace about the loss of our tiny, and gives me the reassurance that He is loving that baby for us right now. I have to believe.

The Story of We: Part 7 or Jackson's Birth Story

In Part 6 of "The Story of We" I just found out that I was expecting. And I was elated! Still am. We'll, not pregnant, but elated.

Confused yet?

Me too!

It's taken me a while to figure out how I want to relate Jackson's birth story but I think if I break it down into sections we'll be good.

Just a little FYI: This post is bound to be a little lengthy and also contains some "details" that might make men and women with an aversion to birth stories squeamish. Just sayin'.

The Decision
To induce or not induce...that was the question. Though the idea had been tossed around when Jackson was head-down at 38 weeks I had decided to wait and "let things happen on their own."

But then 41 weeks got closer and closer and knowing that Amelia was 9lbs 7oz with a 14 in head at 41 weeks and 3 days I was sure I couldn't do that again. But all I had heard about induction seemed scary and unknown. I "knew" what it was like to go into labor naturally. This, not so much.

I sent my sister, Summer, a text one day asking, "Is the pitocin THAT bad?"

She called me laughing. Which is rare (the calling part, not the laughing) since we both are NOT phone people. We likey text! And we both homeschool...'nough said. She said I reminded her of an addict looking for a fix.

Truly, I felt like one. When you've tried every at-home remedy you can find (Minus Castor oil. I forgot about that one.) and your body is in so much pain and the toilet is the only "comfortable" place to sit it's time to "GET THIS BABY OUT!"

I was desperate.

So desperate that I took all of our bags to my appointment the day before I was officially 41 weeks and begged them to keep me. They couldn't, but they did let me make an appointment to be induced the next morning (Tuesday, May 3rd) at 7:30. It's funny to me that I could be disappointed and relieved all at the same time.

Being Induced

After Summer assured me that the pitocin wasn't horrible and I had a long talk with the midwife about how I wanted the induction to go, we made a date and kept it. Well I did.

The Birthing Center called me Tuesday morning saying they had a surge of activity and needed me to wait to come in until 11. Though I was once again disappointed I was able to take that time to calm my nerves and Hot Hubby and I got to have breakfast with my parents.

We arrived at the hospital around 11 and by noon I was hooked up to the pitocin. The plan was to be on pitocin to start contractions so that Jackson would move down more. At that point they could break my water without the risk of a prolapsed cord and they would ease me off of the pitocin allowing my body to take over. Which is what happened.

The contractions weren't horrible. Though everything seemed to move along normally I was confused by my seemingly sporadic contractions. It felt like they weren't consistent enough to be progressing much. But I was wrong.

I don't know the time line of events since I was distracted by labor pains. I seem to remember that they broke my water around 3-ish. Then around 5:30-ish my contractions started getting stronger and more intense. I thought they seemed a little "back labor-ish" but wasn't quite sure.

Around 6-6:30-ish I told my mom that I just needed to sit on the toilet because that was the only thing that sounded comfortable. Up to this point I had tried standing, sitting on the bed, birthing ball and toilet and anything else that seemed like it may help.

This time when I got on the toilet it felt like I was getting close to pushing. The feeling wasn't super strong so I hesitated to say anything, thinking that I was just going to find out that I wasn't as far along as I felt and I would be disappointed.

When I finally did say something to my mom, the midwife was called into the room and I got back onto the bed. When she checked me she said I was only a 6 and not completely effaced. Like I figured I was disappointed. I was also confused because I still felt like my body was telling me something else. Since the back labor was getting more intense I didn't know how I would hold out through the pain. At this point I figured that Jackson's head was turned sideways. I was right. Thus the back labor.

The midwife had me get up on the bed and lean against the back of it so as to help Jackson move down more and in hopes that gravity would help me dilate. At this point the pain was more intense than I remember with either of the girls. I moved around and tried to "help" my body in any way that I could think of that was also bearable. Finally I told the midwife that I needed to sit because the pressure was to intense and I felt I needed something to push against.

She checked me at this point and said I was now an 8 but was less effaced then she had originally thought. The problem for me was that my body was starting to push on its own.

I don't know if you've ever experienced these kind of contractions but they are intense. I had them with Hazel but not so much with Amelia. Basically my body was physically contracting so strong that I was pushing without even meaning to. I call them "involuntary pushing contractions" but I don't know what they are really called.

I have a love/hate relationship with them. Love: because it means I'm getting closer to the end and because they are so helpful. Hate: because both times I've had them I've been told not to push because my cervix wasn't fully dilated. And when your body is pushing and you are being told NOT to push it's easy to feel like you're doing something wrong.

The midwife wanted me to use a bar that they put on the end of the bed to help Jackson's head turn and help me finish dilating. I kept saying, "But I can't!" Which, in labor speak, was supposed to mean, "I am about to have this baby and there is NO time for that!" But since I wasn't able to communicate through the pain (and I was still doubting my progress for fear of disappointment) I consented to trying the bar. At this point though, I was feeling more pressure in my rump and started to feel "the ring of fire" burning.

The bar didn't make it into the room.

The midwife turned back from asking a nurse to get the bar to find Jackson starting to crown. As I held myself up off the bed through the "involuntary pushing contractions" to try to lessen the pressure and "not push" like I was told, Jackson's 14&1/2 inch head came out followed quickly by the rest of his 20 & 3/4 inch, 9lb 6.6 oz wiggly body. He was born at 7:39 pm.

So much for a smaller baby. Compared to Amelia he was half an ounce smaller and his head was 1/2 an inch bigger!

Nathan helped deliver him and quickly handed his slimy, squirmy body to me.

First Impressions

When I first saw Jackson his body was a purple/blue color, he had a head full of dark hair and his lips were swollen making him look very African. My first thought: How did that get in there!

Which is funny because a few months ago when I asked Hazel who she thought Jackson would look like her answer was, "Ummmm...AFRICA!"


This picture doesn't do justice to the color he was at the time but you can see how swollen his lips are.

The swelling in his lips went down right away and his coloring, though very red-ish, is very much like his dad's. Meaning Hot Hubby. My husband. Just to be clear!

The other thing I noticed right away was a tooth! He was crying instantly and as Nathan handed Jackson to me I could see a tooth just under the surface of his lower gum.


The tooth!

Post Delivery

Usually after a baby is delivered the mommy's pain lessens right away. This didn't happen when Jackson was born. My pain gradually got worse and worse. Even though the midwife told me I didn't need stitches it didn't feel that way to me. In fact I kept jokingly asking if maybe there was another baby in there because I was having all the "feelings" I had before I delivered Jackson: intense pressure, ring-of-fire burning & contractions.

After about an hour (ish) I told the nurse that I thought I was bleeding too much. When she checked me she and the midwife found that my uterus had stopped contracting and had filled up with LOTS of blood and blood clots.

The next half hour or so was intense and painful. After giving me a shot to curb the pain and using a catheter to drain my bladder, the midwife had to "knead" my tummy to get my uterus to drain and contract down to the size it should have been. I was put on super high levels of pitocin and given more pain killers. When the process was over they measured that I had lost 1&1/2 pounds of blood.

Though there are many details I can't remember or have a hard time putting into words the main thing about this part of Jackson's birth is this: he is here and I am fine. I didn't require surgery or a transfusion. I was put on two weeks of "doing nothing" rest. Not quite bed rest but I basically have just sat and held Jackson the whole time. Which I really wanted to be able to do for at least one week anyways.

Hot Hubby has had the last two weeks off and has this week off also which has been perfect. He has, once again, been my Knight and has taken care of everything! Jackson and I slept in every morning while Hot Hubby got up at the crack of dawn with the girls and Abiah, made breakfast for us all and got the day started with the kids. I have a few words to say on this subject but will save it for another post. Point is this: Hot Hubby is amazing! And HOT!

Jackson Post Delivery

Jackson's bilirubin count was high and we had to stay an extra night so he could stay under the blue lights. He handled the whole thing much better than I thought. Though at first I was upset that we had to stay longer I took the opportunity to take a few extra naps and take few baths in the jetted tub. Good call, if I do say so myself!


First pair of "shades".



Baby tanning bed!

The Party

Right before Jackson was born someone from my room heard one of the nurses comment that we had, "men, women and children in there!" And we did! It was great!

Hot Hubby and my Mom

Nathan was the only man in the room during the actual delivery but my dad was in the room when we first got there and then after the delivery he and my FIL came in to meet their new grandson.

My Dad, Mom and MIL

FIL, Hot Hubby and Jackson

During the labor and delivery we had 12 people in the room. NOT counting the nurses! This was the first of my kids' deliveries that my mom and sisters (3) and Hot Hubby's mom and sisters (2) were all able to be at.

Rachel, Nicole (SIL) and my MIL

RoxAnne and Hannah

We were also joined by my niece Naomi, my Aunt RoxAnne and cousins, Rachel and Hannah. My friend Erika made it at the last minute also. If the room was bigger I would have had more ladies join us.

I don't have pictures of everyone on my camera, but they were there. I promise. Also, because of the hemorrhaging drama not everyone got to hold him that night and we didn't get pictures of all who did.

Something about a tree falling and no one hearing it comes to mind here...


The Coping Mechanism

Since worship music helps me relax and focus in any situation, I created a list for my ipod of about 50 songs that I really like. I purposely chose songs that are calm with lyrics that are focused on the goodness of God and who He is. I don't mind listening to instrumental music occasionally, but most of the time I prefer songs I can sing to.

I also purchased a 3x5 card book and wrote out scriptures that speak of the Lord's strength and goodness, a few snippets from a devotional and a list of people to pray for. This idea came from a birth story I read here. The people I purposed to pray for are those whose situations in life are harder and last longer than childbirth. Some have chronic illnesses. Some don't have answers to their pain. Some want children and haven't been able to have them. Some have sick babies. Some have recently lost loved ones. I LOVED this idea when I read about it and it really did help me through my delivery.

Aside from the last hour and a half (or so) when the pain was the worst, these things really did help to keep me focused. In fact, the times when I was using these the most were some of the sweetest times of the delivery for me.

Other sweet times for me:

Nathan being my constant support and our Court Jester
The comradeship of the women in the room
My niece want to be involved and finding things to do like giving me sips of water
Laughing with the nurses and midwife
The surprise of a friend
Remembering loved ones who I wish could have been there
Hearing the click-clicking of the keyboard and looking over to see my sister posed, waiting to update my friends on Facebook.

There are many more I can't think of now. Overall Jackson's delivery was an amazing, joy filled time.

We are enjoying the sweet little bundle that he is and looking forward to knowing him better.

Flippin' Day

Warning: This post may contain a few "Lady Details." Enter at your own risk!

Yesterday was Jackson's Flip Day. We loaded our van with all our gear just in case we ended up having a baby and headed to the doctor appointment. I drove so Hot Hubby could eat his lunch. And so my blood pressure would stay at a healthy rate.

I don't know why, but Hot Hubby's driving has been freakin' me out as of late. My distress could be from the two accidents I've been in the last two years. Or it could be from Hot Hubby's insistence that "too close" is bumper on bumper. Literally. This is especially exciting when the person behind us has the same driving standards as Hot Hubby.

Exciting meaning: I'm about to kick a hole in the passenger side floor board.

But I digress.

So, on the way to the hospital we: Drove through a hail storm. Came upon a road block and had to turn around. Went back through the hail storm. Took the windier route. Came across a bigger hail storm. Slowed down to a crawl to avoid sliding in the snow-like hail. And arrived ten minutes late. But we had fun on the way!

And since I was driving it was Hot Hubby's turn to have blood pressure problems.

While we waited for the Doctor I asked Hot Hubby what his prayer was for the day. He told me that he was praying that our Little Mister would already be turned and that everything else would be just fine.

As well as praying for Jackson to turn we've been telling Jackson that he needed to be obedient and turn.

"Did you just boss an unborn child?!"

"It is never too early to learn manners!"

Name that movie!

Within a few minutes of the doctor coming in he announced that he could do this version in his sleep because Jackson was/is vertex. Which means he is in the right position!

We were so relieved! Not only did we avoid the discomfort of the version and possible c-section, but there's a possibility that since this baby is being obedient in utero he might carry that over into his childhood...possibly.

I realize this dream of mine has a slim chance of survival but what are we if we can't dream?!?

Since Jackson was still so high there is still the possibility of him turning again. We are now praying for him to stay in this position but to move down.

My midwife also suggested that we try induction while he's head down. I'd rather avoid a hospital induction so I am trying all the home remedies I know of or that have been suggested to me.

My favorite so far is eating a raspberry sundae. I suppose that idea comes from using red raspberry leaf tea to induce labor. Either way, I'm willing to try both!

What are some methods you've used or heard of to induce labor?

Prentatal Update: 36 Weeks and Counting!

Down, that is. We're counting down! Although it seems weird to me that as I add another week I'm actually counting down at the same time. Seems a little backwards.

That may explain why when I'm asked how far along I am I keep replying in weeks left. Like today I would say, "Four weeks!" People get really confused when a seemingly 8 month pregnant lady tells them she is four weeks along. Please don't be scared off by my genius-ness. It's intimidating. I know.

I went in for my 36 week appointment today. We are both doing well. We did find something out today that I've been suspecting for awhile, though. Before I tell you about that I have to give you some background.

When we found out we were having a boy I was thrilled! I still am, too. Believe you me. We don't need anymore Drama Club members. Hazel and Amelia overflow that department just perfectly.

Anyways, though I DESPERATELY wanted a boy I kept having this thought that maybe Jackson would pull an "Uncle Summer." To clarify, Uncle Summer is my oldest sister. (Abiah nicknamed her Uncle Summer and she likes it. If you don't, I'm sorry.) To "pull an 'Uncle Summer'" means that we would spend twenty weeks preparing for a boy baby because the ultra-sound technician pointed to the screen and said, "There "it" is! A boy!" but we would be surprised at the delivery to have a girl instead.

That happened to my mom when she had Summer. She had three boy baby showers and had to take everything back. Of course that was a "few" years ago and ultra-sounds are clearer now. When I mentioned this "thought" to Hot Hubby he quickly told me that it wasn't the case and to stop talking that way.

Well, today it was confirmed that Jackson is NOT pulling an "Uncle Summer." He is, however, trying to pull an "Auntie Am." Auntie Am is my sister directly after me. The third of the four of us girls (Summer, Me, AmberLee & MaShayla). To "pull an 'Auntie Am'" means that a baby is breech. (My mom was in the hospital for FOUR days in labor with AmberLee who was born breech.)

Thankfully there are things the doctors and midwives do now that will help us avoid a breech delivery. They are giving me until 37 weeks and 6 days (April 11th) for Jackson to turn on his own. If he isn't turned by then they will try turning him manually.

To be honest I'm nervous. I know that turning Jackson will be uncomfortable. The part I'm most concerned with is the rare complications that can rise due to turning a baby. If Jackson shows stress or decline after being turned they will do an emergency c~section. Though I definitely won't put Jackson or myself in danger, severe abdominal surgery doesn't sound fun.

I am praying that he either turns on his own or, if they have to turn him, there will be no complications. I am also asking God for peace. My heart is kind of all over the place right now. This has been my specific prayer this evening:

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart.
Oh, take and seal it!
Seal it for thy courts above!

Join me, please!

The Beer Belly

I know I told you that it was a baby.

I led you to believe I am expecting a little man-child in the next month.

I may have even given stats and even posted pictures of "the goods."

It was a lie.

A terrible lie to cover up the bigger issue.

My beer belly.

My profile may resemble a pregnant woman, but don't let your eyes fool you. It's just a beer belly.

When you are sitting next to me and think you can see movement, it's not a baby. It's my muscles. Yes, even though I have an enormous beer belly I still have AMAZING stomach muscle control.

I'm magical that way.

I know I should have been honest with you. That's part of the joy of blogging; honesty while hidden behind a computer screen.

Maybe it was just easier to cope with the issue by tricking myself and you into believing it was something it wasn't.

Maybe I figured it would be easier to answer the "here's your sign" questions like "Wow! You're still pregnant?!" and "Are you sure there aren't two in there?!" then having to give an honest answer about my addiction.

People don't judge so much when it's a baby in there. Everyone loves babies, right?

Whatever it was or is, the truth is out now and I can rest.

For those who need it, here's the proof. My Beer Belly:



36 weeks pregnant!

Oh, shoot! There I go again. You know what they say! Once you start lying it's hard to stop!

There's A Reason and A Conclusion

There really is. I know it's been a few weeks since I've posted and every time I come back from a hiatus I promise I'll get better about posting. Every day I have multiple things to blog about, but when it comes time to sit down and blog I can't find it. It being the patience to sort through my thoughts and feelings and put them into articulate sentences and paragraphs.

I'm just entering the eighth month of this pregnancy and for some reason it feels like the tenth month. I didn't get this way with Hazel and only remember feeling this way in the last month and ten days I went over due with Amelia.

From the moment I'm awakened by Hazel slamming her door open and the startled cries of Amelia being rudely awakened I have to force myself to tap into that seemingly invisible well of patience. Though I love my life and my sweet little family, right now most days feel like I've spent an eternity trying to be intentional with them and myself.

So while I sort through these emotions and reserve my energy for my little family, please be patient with me. I have so much that I want to share with you all. I hope to get there soon.

For now I've come to the conclusion that if I let myself stress eat "crap food" every now and then (read: once or twice a week...or day), but am honest with myself about it doesn't count. Especially if I eat well the week of my next check up/weigh in. I've accepted this justification as an acceptable reality in my life...for now.

I'd ask your opinion but I may not like your answer. Feel free to indulge my justification in the comment area below!

Prenatal Update: 28/29 Weeks

A week ago today I went in for my 28 week prenatal appointment. I still can't believe I'm this close to my due date. In most ways these last six months have gone very fast. Jackson and I are doing great.

I received the results from my glucose test and I passed with flying colors. The only concern is my iron levels which, if I remember right, I had to pay attention to with the girls, too. I guess it's a good thing I have a lot of elk in my freezer!

I was worried about my weight because I was suddenly feeling very pregnant. The midwife laughed when I told her that. Up until the last few weeks I kept forgetting I am pregnant. Being so busy with my other three kids has contributed to that memory loss I'm sure. I was relieved when she told me I have gained a total of 11 lbs so far. Since my appointment I have tried to avoid mindless snacking and I am feeling so much better.

My cravings are for "man foods." Lots of meat and potatoes and onions. Why onions? I don't understand that one. I also had a strong craving for a milkshake this week. It seems that most of my cravings are random.

I had a craving for these caramels topped with sea salt that someone told me about. When I went to the store to get them I found out that they only carry them during the Christmas holidays. After wandering around the store to see if I could find anything that could fill its place, I left pouting and disappointed. Then I went to my mom's and complained to her and asked for her caramel recipe. I still don't have the recipe but she did help me make the caramels. And they were scrumptious! I am so her favorite!

I realize that I promised a picture after last month's update and have yet to deliver on that promise. I would jump up and take one now but I am fighting an awful head cold and don't really feel photogenic at the moment.

I can assure you that my tummy is growing. Hazel and Amelia have a very hard time getting comfortable sitting in my lap. Hazel just gives up and will sit next to me. Amelia insist on doing her kitty cat roll and will flop and turn until she feels comfortable. Which usually leaves me in the most uncomfortable and squished position possible. If it was a once a day occurrence I would probably not even notice. But she sits on my lap for about 2 minutes and then gets down to play and is back in about 5 minutes for another round. She needs to be close to her momma. I wonder how this will work when I'm nursing.

Jackson is moving a lot now. I can watch his movement through my shirt. Hot Hubby has had many a shoving match with Jackson already. Usually in the early morning. When I'm trying to sleep.

Hazel and Abiah have both felt him move but Hazel has been very hesitant to hold her hand on my tummy to feel his kicks. I was kind of sad about this for awhile. When I asked her why she didn't want to feel him she said, "I don't want him to kick me!" Word choice matters!

I am definitely nesting. I have a list of projects on the fridge and I am hoping to rope Hot Hubby into working through a few of them this weekend. I realized that I need to go register soon. I completely forgot about that!

I have a few boxes of hand-me-downs from family so we are pretty set for 0-3 month clothes but there are a few bigger items that we need to get before he gets here.

Since he will be in our room for the first few months and then in the same room as his sisters for awhile I don't have a nursery to show you. But you can go here to see the crib set we've chosen. Super cute, huh?

I go back in the last Friday of this month and then I start going in every two weeks! So close!

Prenatal Update: 25 Weeks

Yesterday I went in for my monthly appointment. This is the appointment that I dread the most. I had to do the blood glucose test which requires a blood draw and usually I would have received a rhogam shot since I'm Rh negative. Thankfully they wanted to wait until I am 28 weeks to give me the shot so I only had to suffer from one needle poke this time.

The rest of my appointment was pretty routine. Jackson's heart rate was perfect. My blood pressure is fine. Everything measures well. I've only gained about 5 pounds. And I go back in 3 weeks for my 28 week appointment!

It all sounds so ho-hum and boring. Which is exactly how this pregnancy was supposed to be! Well, not the boring part. I'm really excited to be pregnant and I can't wait to meet Jackson.

When I first started seeing my midwives, though, they told me that since I am an "experienced" mom I only had to come in every 5 weeks for appointments. That hasn't happened.

Around 12 weeks I started spotting and ended up having to go in a few times extra for them to make sure everything was okay. Which it was. It ended up being a normal pregnancy thing. The baby and I are fine.

Then at about 21 weeks I got rear-ended and ended up having to go in for an extra appointment to follow up after the accident. All of these appointments I've been glad to keep. I love knowing that Jackson is healthy.

I'm just disappointed because I was pretty stinkin' proud to be an "experienced" mom.

Pride. Oh! that nasty little vixen!

Other pregnancy updates would be:

• When I asked Hazel who she thinks Jackson will look like she replied, "Ummmm, Africa!" Since I received so much flack for Amelia's blue eyes I'm starting to wonder what makes people doubt my loyalty to my marriage. Seriously! My mom's friends had a whole conversation about where Amelia's blue eyes came from. One of them suggested that maybe the mail man has blue eyes. Another rebutted with, "Hey! I've met him. He's a nice guy!" Now this! By the way, my mom and Hot Hubby's dad both have blue eyes. It runs in the family!
  

• I could eat Burgerville every day! I am definitely carrying a man-child. My favorite meal of the day is dinner. Salty and hearty. Pasta is the best!

• Jackson is earning mommy points already. He lets me drink coffee! When I was pregnant with the girls it was the last thing I wanted. With Jackson I didn't want it during the first trimester but now I want at least a cup a day.

• I keep forgetting I'm pregnant. I don't feel very guilty because there is a lot going on around here. I just get shocked when I, say... park too close to the shopping cart return area and can't squeeze my tummy through the opening which normally would be plenty of room... Or when I look down and can't see my feet even if I lean forward... Or when I sit leaning forward for a long time and then when I sit back I get kicked multiple times from the baby who is glad to have a little more room finally.

• Jackson moves a lot. My girls mostly moved just at night. They had bursts of major movement. Especially at this point in the pregnancy. Jackson moves all day. I'm hoping that rather than this being a sign that he'll be an extremely active child like his sisters, it will actually mean that he is a well balanced child. Like his dad. Take after your dad, Jackson! Someone needs to. And soon! Mommy needs a break from all the little busy people running all over the place! Oh that you will be an easy-peasy boy like your dad and brother!

Even though my next appointment is only three weeks away instead of the desired 5 weeks, I am glad that it means I'm that much closer to meeting this handsome little Prince.

Girl or Boy, Klara or Jackson, Pheobe or Pheobo

All "Friends" fans should know where the title of this blog came from!

So, after a very full bladder and ten minutes of it being pressed and prodded by the ultrasound technician I got to see this photo:


X marks the spot!

Nathan was meeting me at the Dr.'s office with the kids and my dad but he ended up missing the ultrasound part. My mom and MIL were able to be there though. My FIL was there but he had walked away right before the nurse asked the grandmas to come back. So they were the only ones who got to be there to see these photos:


Face forward.


Arm. Look at those muscles! Just like daddy!


Strong manly leg!

Nathan arrived right after I went into my prenatal appointment so when he came back I got to introduce him to his son, Kenneth Jackson!

Kenneth is after Nathan's dad. Jackson is my mom's maiden name. We plan to call him by his middle name because I go by my middle name. Plus Ken just sounds like a name for an older boy. If anyone wants to call him Ken that's fine with me. I just plan to call him Jackson.

We have had this name picked out since the first time we got pregnant. We have kept it a secret from my FIL and it was so much fun to finally get to tell him!

Nathan was and is excited. But if you happen to see him and he's not giddy and seems nonchalant about having a boy don't be disappointed. That's just how he is. He really is super excited.

After the appointment we went out into the lobby and got to introduce our kids and both our dads to Kenneth Jackson. Everyone was excited.

Well, Hazel said she wanted a girl sister but she doesn't really understand what's going on. When I told her they took pictures of the baby in my tummy she tried to look under my shirt to see them.

Amelia is pretty clueless, but I know she'll just be happy to have a baby around. She's a little bit like her mom.

Abiah is very excited that we are having a boy. I fear that he will be disappointed when the baby doesn't arrive as an instant playmate, though. He also informed us that though he's excited, he doesn't want to have to share his room with Jackson until Jackson is about 4 or 5 years old because he doesn't want wake up at night to a crying baby. Because I usually leave that up to a 7 year old...:)

What Abiah doesn't realize is that when Jackson is 4 or 5 he will be 12 or 13 and won't be wanting to share a room with his younger brother anyways!

The rest of the prenatal information was good. Jackson is healthy. Growing perfectly. The pregnancy is going well. His due date is April 26th but I'm trying not to focus on the date as much as the general time. End of April works for me. Beginning of May...not so much!

My other good news was that I lost 4 lbs in the last 5 weeks!

My FIL took us all out to Red Robin to celebrate. This has been the tradition in the past but I did catch him watching us a little more last night. I think he's pretty excited.

We didn't get home until it was time to put the kids to bed and to get Nathan off to work so I held the giveaway off until today.

Out of fourteen votes, ten were for a boy. Abiah helped me draw a name:





And the winner is:



Congratulation Nikki! I'll get a hold of you and I'll get your prize to you. The prize, again, is a Starbucks card and this:



It's a homemade pink, white, and black broach for your coat lapel. I think it will look great on you, Nikki!

(Sorry about the picture quality. Not a strong point yet. The broach is really super cute. I know you'll love it!)

Thanks to all who participated. I'm excited to share this journey with you!

He She Be and a Giveaway!

Tomorrow is my 20 week prenatal appointment and ultrasound. Eeeek! I am so excited to see our baby again. I can feel movement more and more.

This pregnancy feels different in many ways, but I think most of it is because I don't have time to stop and think about it. Most of the time I forget that I'm pregnant. I would feel bad but I am so excited about this baby that it seems to take away the guilt.

Usually by now many family members and friends would have told me what they predict this baby is going to be. For some reason that hasn't happened this time. When we first found out I had one dear friend tell me that as soon as she heard we were expecting she thought it was a boy.

(Ok. My SIL did tell me that she wanted to say we are having a boy but she thinks we are going to have another girl. But she burned my beans. So she doesn't count.)

But that was it. Until this past week.

I was in Salt Lake City, Utah spending six days with my BFF (by myself I might add!) and she very confidently told me that I am having a boy. Apparently she has felt that way since I told her I'm pregnant.

I, personally, don't have a feeling either way. While I would be delighted with a boy, it scares me at the same time. Abiah is such an easy boy that I'm afraid the next one will be the polar opposite of him. And since I've done (am doing) the girl thing twice it seems easier.

But I want to know what you think.

I posted this a while back and you can use it to help you if you need to.

The giveaway part works this way: In the comment section below tell me what you think Jr is (as in boy or girl for all you funny ones who want to say, "A baby!").

Since there are only two options for a right answer I will take all the entries that guessed correctly and randomly choose one of those names. (So if it is a boy, all those who guessed that way will be entered into the drawing. Just to clarify.)

If we aren't able to find out tomorrow due to a stubborn/shy baby I will just choose one person from all names entered.

My appointment is at 3:30 pm PST so no entries after that time will be counted.

The prize is a Starbucks card and a homemade treat (not edible, btw).

Also, you must leave the comment on the blog (not Facebook) for your entry to count. Also, those of you who want to tell me after we find out that you knew all along what the baby's sex is totally don't count. And you people irritate me.

Sometimes I have a bad attitude.

I will announce the results and the winner tomorrow night!

In Celebration of the End of the First Trimester

For three nights last week I knew before six o'clock in the evening what I was going to make for dinner. And had it ready to eat. Each meal included meat. Which I cooked. Without having severe nausea. (The rest of the week and the beginning of this week have been super busy. Otherwise the trend would have continued.)

This may seem like a ho-hum, everyday experience for the rest of you. For me, the last few weeks have been spent trying to keep from making any sudden movements that would cause me to feel sick, avoiding anything with a strong odor (ie. poopey diapers, Parmesan cheese, cooking meat, etc.), and having little to no appetite.

For me, there's something almost magical about week 14 of my pregnancies. The clouds part, the angels sing, and I'm not as likely to spend all day whining about feeling gross.

Not that I stop complaining entirely. It's my right. As a pregnant woman.

I had an appointment a few days ago and thought I would share the latest with you guys.

Baby is doing good. Strong heartbeat. I'm feeling movement already. I wouldn't be so confident in saying that, but every time they've listened for the baby's heart rate the baby was on the exact side where I feel most movement. At 12 weeks I had some spotting, but all is well. It turns out that I have a normal "pregnancy issue" that is a little TMI for blogging about. But I'm fine and so is Baby. And yes, there is only one baby in there.

We have an ultrasound appointment for the 9th of December and hopefully this baby will let us in on the secret it's keeping so we can start shopping and preparing. Of course, since we have two girls already, there isn't much that needs to be done if we are having another one.

I've had many people predict what they think this baby is going to be, but I wanted to list some of my pregnancy symptoms here and let you get your vote in.

• I'm not as nauseous as I was with my girls. But I was less nauseous with Amelia than I was with Hazel. Boy or Girl?
  
• I have NO brain. Not only have I accidentally shoplifted, but I did my monthly grocery shopping yesterday and even though I had a five page master shopping list to help me out, I couldn't remember what I was looking for most of the day. I've heard that pregnancy brain is worse with boys. I was also told that our bodies produce a chemical that actually eats your brain when you are pregnant with a boy. (I have no idea if this is true or not and I'm too lazy right now to research this for myself. Have you ever heard this rumor?) Boy or Girl?
• When pregnant with the girls I never wanted coffee. And I don't this time either. It's sad. But true. I actually crave tea. What? I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. (Because of the coffee. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm about to be a SAHHM of four kids ages 7, 3, 1.5, and newborn.) Boy or Girl?
• I had first trimester acne. Arg! Boy or Girl?
• The heart rate was 160-165. Boy or Girl?
• Aside from the fact that I no longer have an unquenchable hunger for Taco Bell, I have a lot of the same cravings that I had with the girls. Spicy foods for the first 9-11 weeks. Cheese and bread. Anything take-out. With the girls I did want a lot of fruit. This time I really want hamburgers. And sweet potato fries. Boy or Girl?

Leave a comment with your guess. Hopefully we'll be able to answer this question on the 9th of December. In the meantime, here's the first portrait of Baby. This was taken at 10 weeks. I'm 15 weeks now. I'm also a little behind on many things.