'Til My Sides Hurt: My Christmas present to you

This is my present to you. The gift of laughter. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

Jackson:

When counting:
"One, two, thawee, fo...six...five...seveneightnine!"

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What he tells me every morning when I haven't given them their vitamins, "But we'w die without our bitamins, Mom!"

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A Christmas question: "How does HoHo get hew?"

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A few months ago Jackson came home from church telling me all about "the gurl with dots on hew face" and how she helped him. HH and I couldn't figure out who he was talking about. Was it a girl with freckles? Was there a teenager helping in the class who had acne? Does someone have moles on their face? I was a little nervous just because I hoped that he hadn't said anything about these mysterious dots to their owner.

A few Sundays later he pointed this girl out to me and I was relieved to see that it was indeed a young girl with freckles. Well one day after this particular little girl came and visited us before church service Jackson was talking about her again. "She has nickles, Mom."

"What?"

"Nickles. On her face. The gurl with dots on her face."

"The dots on her face are nickles?"

"Yeah."

"You mean freckles?"

"Yeah."
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We were watching Sound of Music and when Maria hit the high note at the end of the DO RE MI song Abiah asked, "Why did she hold her head when she sang that?"

Jackson quickly answered, "Because see didn't want it to fall off!"
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Amelia:

"Sometimes my pinky starts to fuzzle and tries to go to sleep."
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Amelia was  disagreeing with me about something and HH said, "Mommy knows everything, Amelia."

Amelia disagreed, "Nuhuh. She doesn't even know what's 100+2!"

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About this picture of her and Oliver, "Naybe Oliver looks like baby Jesus."

Hazel:



On picking out her own clothes:

"We need to go back to Target to find those jeans that you haaaaaaaardly let me try on!"

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To Amelia while coloring make-up on a My Little Pony in a coloring book:
"We don't want it to be grey because that would be insulting."

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This last weekend we celebrated Christmas with just the 8 of us. The in-laws were out of town and the next week was booked so it was perfect timing. We had spent most of the week baking and getting ready for our little celebration. By Friday we were all a little short on grace and joy.

As we were trying to get the house picked up before dinner the girls got into a tiff about something and Hazel was yelling at Amelia. When she came into the room I was in she could see from the look on my face that I had heard the argument and yelling. I sent her to her room so I could finish feeding one of the babies and take time to find some grace and patience. After about 10 minutes Amelia came down and handed me this letter:

Interpretation:
"Dear Amelia, I your sister is going to say I am leaving. Bye (something I can't decipher and she couldn't remember). Good bye everything. I have to Amelia. Love Hazel"

I sent Amelia to fetch Hazel and HH and I laughed over our first runaway letter. But I was also a bit perplexed. I hadn't even yelled at her and there have been plenty of times when I actually yelled and she never threatened to run away.

When she came down to us her eyes were red from crying and she said she felt bad for yelling at her sister. After she apologized to Amelia she decided not to leave after all.

The whole situation was this crazy ball of drama, laughter, and the sweetness of a little girl who was sorry for the way she'd treated her sister.

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Abiah:

HH had Abiah do some extra school work and Abiah admitted to me on the second day, "This is actually the easiest week I've had in a long time and I'm doing extra work."

I asked if he would be sharing this info with HH and he said, "NO! If I tell him that he'll want me to do this much all the time!"
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During a conversation with the girls: "I'm never gonna put lipstick on because I'm not a boy."

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We were watching the Sound of Music Sing Along on tv and the first song we heard had foreign subtitles so Abiah was trying to figure out if we were on the wrong channel. I realized that the song song was in Latin and he said, "Oh. It's because they're Nims."

"They're what?"

"Nims. Or Nums or something like that."

"You mean NUNS?"
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And the finale. His birthday letter to HH. This kid is so sweet. At every birthday or special day he gets up and writes a little card for HH and/or me. They all have his signature pictures and are filled with spelling mistakes and his own special Eeyore vibe.

Also, HH turned 35.

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 These kids are great. I hope you enjoyed these treasures.

Merry Christmas!

'Til My Sides Hurt: Jackson Funnies

Our children are are very passionate in their hugs and kisses to the #beefyboys. From a stranger's view point it looks like the kids are about to hit, choke, or bite the babies when in reality they are just so overcome with joy and delight that they can hardly contain their affection. I know. It's been my response to babies since I was little. Like, still a baby myself.

Can we say, "Destined to have a bazillion children"?

Anyways, I've been training Jackson to give the #beefboys soft kisses and hugs and to save the big hugs and kisses for Mommy.

Win/Win. ;)

The other day after he had knocked me over with one of his kisses he told me, "I give da babies tiny kisses...and tiny punches."

Before I could get a correction out he added, "Der boys! And dey beed in your tummy all da days!"

3 year old logic: Tiny punches on boy babies are okay because:

#1. We can hit boys but not girls
#2. We can't give babies real punches

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When he pinches the #beefyboys cheeks: "I'm not pinsing dem. I'm dust chubbing der cheeks!"




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We were doing our advent reading and when it was Jackson's turn to list his blessing of the day he said, "Going in your woom." (climbing in bed with me in the middle of the night)

And then he flashed the "Momma's Boy Smolder."

Melt.

 

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A few months back I cut HH, Abiah, and Jackson's hair while my in-laws were out for the day. When they got home FIL was commenting on their hair and said to Abiah and Jackson, "Where'd your hair go? You got buzzed. You're Buzz Lightyear!"

At that point Jackson, who is laying on the couch, starts pulling his pants down. FIL goes, "Hey! Whatcha doing?!"

"I'm showing you my Woody!"

FIL and I half gasp and giggle and, as we're both starting to tell him to pull his pants up, we realize that he has his new Toy Story underwear on and he was just trying to show FIL the picture on the back of the unders.

Laughter for days, people. I tell ya.

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The kids and I went blueberry picking with MIL this last summer. As we were picking I was talking to the kids about not eating too many of the berries while we were picking them because that would be stealing from the farmers. Jackson had a different solution.

"I'm dust hiding 'tween da boosses so dey can't see me."

 

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About sleeping on a bunk bed:

"I don't like bonk beds. The wood bonks on me."

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On getting too close to Emmett:

"He was twying to eat my cheek for brefest, but it's not achooly his brefest."

 

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Speaking of Emmett's "brefest"...

The #beefyboys were due to be born during hunting season in September. I'll never hear the end of it.

That meant that we couldn't go on the Arcouette family annual two week hunting trip. That HH had already gotten time off for. I was a favorite of all this year.

 

While we waited for babies MIL and FIL went with SIL#1's family. MIL and FIL came home the day before induction to be here for the birth and the day after the #beefyboys were born they went back to camp and took Abiah and Jackson with them.

On the way back to camp they had car troubles and ended up at a little auto shop. When they walked into the shop the receptionist greeted them and Jackson immediately says, "Mommy had babies."

MIL explained that her DIL had just had twins and then Jackson added, "And dey dwink milk outta Mommy's boobies!"

'Til My Sides Hurt: Man-child's Gonna Get Slapped One Day

Abiah has a tendency to say what is on his mind, and, without meaning to, sounding completely rude. Sometimes he thinks he's funny, but most of the time he just doesn't realize that he sounds like he's trying to be offensive.

I was talking to my parents about it and made the comment, "The kids gonna get beat up some day because he sounds so rude."

My dad, who is like Abiah's twin born 40 something years earlier, said, "No. I never got beat up. I knew enough not to say that kind of stuff to guys."

"I'm not talking about guys, Dad. He's gonna get slapped by some girl that he'll unknowingly offend!"

"Oh... Yeah... I think I got slapped a few times."

Exactly.

Here are a few gems, plus a few other funny things he's said lately.

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I was lamenting to Abiah that Amelia had left her cream colored jacket outside and it was now all muddy.

He just looked at me with a blank stare and then said, "If I was a girl maybe I'd understand."

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Around Christmas my parents caught the flu and were horribly sick for two weeks. Towards the end of their sickness we had an emergency with Jackson one evening and I needed them to rush over to watch the other kids while HH and I took him to the ER. Because of the situation my parents dropped everything and came right away. My mom, who is always done up, hadn't done her hair or make up because she'd been so sick. When they came in the house Abiah greeted them at the door. He looked at my mom and said, "Hmmmm, bad hair day?"

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During our Christmas at home I made a huge platter of snacky foods for our meal. There was so much that we ended up eating it for a few days after, too. On day three of snacky foods for lunch, Abiah was doing the dishes while I was getting everything set out.

"We're eating that agian?"

"Yup. We need to eat it up."

Then he walked over to a pan of beans I had on the stove and peaked inside to see what was in there.

"Oh good. You're still cooking."

Now this comment was just a timing thing because I found out later that he was actually checking to see if I was still using the pot so he'd know if he had to wash it or not. So, I'll give him that one, but in the future someone else might not be so nice.

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We were making a list of different flowers for school and I had listed some off for him and he repeated them, or what he heard, back to me, "Violets, lilacs, and cockroaches?"

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While dictating to him his spelling words:

Me: Your next word is circumference.

Abiah: Sir Cumference? Do I even know him?

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And a little note from me to the girls he'll meet in the future:

I try. I really do.

'Til My Sides Hurt: The Telephone Guys

So, apparently our little phone company has switched to fiber-optics and they are making a slow move up our street to switch the houses one-by-one. I got a phone call yesterday morning and we set up a time for them to come make the switch. I was pretty excited because I had showered and was fully dressed...NOT in yoga pants. And that was before they had even called. Also the house was in decent order because we had a showing the previous night.

The two men showed up at the appointed time, which just happened to be when I was just finishing school with Hazel, Abiah was working on school in the other room, and Amelia and Jackson were napping. Perfect! They can get in, get it done, and there won't be too much chaos.

As I was talking to the Phone guys about the logistics of what they were doing, why, and where, I was vaguely aware of the fact that Hazel was running around behind the younger of the two guys. She was giggling and snickering, but she tends to do that when she's embarrassed and I just figured strangers = embarrassed. Nope.

Right as they walk out the door to begin their task, she starts after them and says something about the stickers. Thankfully she stopped when I called her, and even more thankfully, they didn't hear her.

She explains to me that while I was talking to the guys she snuck up behind "the little one", as she called him, and placed three small smiley face stickers on him. One on his back, one on his leg (calf), and one on his butt!!!

Oh. Don't worry. She assured me she didn't actually touch his butt. She just put the sticker on a fold of the fabric of his pants.

OH! EM! GEE!

 

I couldn't help it. I laughed. And I couldn't stop. Especially when he'd come in the house and walk past us with three stickers stuck on his back side. Abiah was a fit of giggles too. It was quite ridiculous. And ab.so.lu.tely hilarious! Especially since she can be super shy. Girl sure knows how to pick her moments! And, boy, is she proud of herself.

Amelia stole my phone and there are tons of pictures of the two of them like this.

We were talking about it later in the evening with HH and I told him about Hazel reassuring me that she didn't actually touch his butt, just the fabric.

Me: "He was wearing Carrhart overall things over his clothes, so I'm sure he didn't feel it."

HH: "Were the quilted?"

Me: "Well...I didn't feel his clothing, so... I'm not sure."

HH: "Well, that's good to know."

Abiah: "Ask Hazel. She should know."

And then Abiah and I were back to fits of laughter.

 


Who says home schoolers are socially awkward? What!?!?

'Til My Sides Hurt

The kids are talking at the dinner table and this is the point of the conversation that I pick up on:

Hazel: Jesus and his elves made the world.

Abiah: Jesus doesn't have elves.

Amelia: God made Ho, Ho, Ho and his elves.

Abiah: Santa didn't make anything.

Hazel: Yes! Jesus!

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Jackson climbs up on Abiah's bed and starts singing to him. "Hush little baby. Don't say word. Momm gonna buy you a diamond ring. If that diamond ring turn brass, Momma gonna buy you a Monkey Bird!"


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Hazel is coloring her school work with a marker and begins to hold her nose. I'm leaning close to her so I can see what she is doing. She looks my way and says, "Do you know why I'm doing this?"

"No. Why?"

"Because. I farted."

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Jackson, "Mom, can you make me a swanich?"

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During our morning devotions we read about fear and asking Jesus to help us when we are afraid. After the reading I ask the kids, "Is there anything you are afraid of that you can ask Jesus to help you with?"

Amelia was the first to reply, "Ummmmmm, lions and tigers."

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I was holding Jackson and I burped (thank you, Coke!). Jackson said, "That was burp! I love that burp! It was scusting!"

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During morning devotions we were talking about keeping our eyes on Jesus.

Abiah said he didn't understand how we can keep our eyes on Jesus if we can't see him. I tried to explain that when we are tempted to sin or are scared we can choose to think about Jesus and let him help us. I said, "Keeping our eyes on Jesus means we can keep our heart focused on Jesus."

Abiah: "Oh. I didn't know my heart had eyes."
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Jackson when counting anything: "One, two, free, four, six, seven, eight!"

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Hazel was giving us a geography lesson during dinner one night. "Africa is a place where there's lots of zombies!"

#homeschoolingrocks ;)

'Til My Sides Hurt: Jackson Funnies

Jackson and Amelia were arguing in their room after I had put them to bed. It was the typical "I'm the boss!" "No! I'm the boss!" argument.

Amelia came down in tears and I took her back upstairs to settle them both down. As I enter the room Jackson has started up at Amelia again. "I da boss!"

I sternly corrected him, "No, Jackson. Mommy is the boss and I told you to go to sleep."

He immediately started crying and said, "No I da boss. Not even Daddy. He a good guy an I a good guy but not even you."

Holding back laughter I ask, "Why am I the bad guy?"

Sister gives Jackson a pony tail.

"Because, you talk loudly to me!"

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When coming out of the dark bedroom into the lit up hallway, Jackson exclaims, "It shinning out here!"


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"Mom, my bed not made. It all crumbly."

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He holds up his fists and says, "Look at my muscles!"

We, of course, tell him how big his muscles are and that he is such a strong boy.

Then, with fists still balled, he says, "I gonna punch you with my muscles."

Apparently he misunderstood what part of his body we were calling muscles, so I have HH show Jackson his bicep. "Jackson, feel this part. That's daddy's muscle."

Jackson, "It's weely squissy."

Doing his "school"

P.S. We also corrected the whole punching thing. That just wasn't the cute part.

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While holding his pinky up for me to see:

"Mom! Look! I have a peekee! I weely peekee pwomise to not spit at her."

"Who aren't you going to spit at?"

"She. Hazo. I weely peekee pwomise to not spit at her."

His brother hung him here.

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"Mom, I need a snissue for my nose."

Mommy or Servant

Sunday morning I woke up a bit frustrated. I'm not sure what all I was upset about, but later in the day after getting every one to and from church and coming home where all my family dispersed to relax expecting me to put lunch together I realized I was fighting a bad attitude. "Every one just expects things of me. No one offers to help. What would they do if I just sat down and didn't make lunch? I'm the only one who keeps things going around here."

I am thankful that I recognized the grumbling in my heart for what it was. A war. Selfishness.  I set myself to fight against it, though it was a battle that took some time. HH came in the kitchen to ask me what was wrong. After I explained my struggle he stayed and helped me finish lunch. :)

As we sat down to eat I popped an apple pie in the oven for our dessert. Of course it wasn't done right when we finished eating and all the kids grew restless and bored of the conversation we were trying to keep going to keep them entertained. By the time it was done very few of us were left in the kitchen. Mostly just me and the occasional visit from the children asking if the pie was done
 yet.

Right before I pulled it out of the oven Amelia came in sassily demanding, "Mom, I really want to taste that pie so get your booty to work."

"Hey!" I said, "You sure are being rude, missy."

Hazel had come in at the same time and agreed with me, "Yeah. Don't be rude to the servant."

I just had to stop. I stood there for a moment. One, I didn't even know how to respond. These kids leave me speechless  on a daily basis. Laugh? Correct? I don't know anymore.

Two, I knew internally I was standing at a cross-road. I could choose to let my six-year-old's innocent comment feed into the lies that I was already fighting in my head or I could see her remark for what it was. An imaginative child playing her fairy tale out in my kitchen.

The lies say my kids don't appreciate me; they don't see all the things I do for them. The truth is they see me for who I am: the one who takes care of them.Their Mom.

HH had missed the conversation so I told him about it. Hazel chimed in, "Yeah, because mommy is the servant."

"Yes," HH replied, "She is a servant. Jesus is a servant, too. Mommy is like Jesus."

Gah! So many things happened in my heart at that moment. Conviction. Encouragement. A re-girding of the truth. I can't tell you what it does to this heart that thrives on words of affirmation when my man-of-few-words talks like that!

 I love my job. I love my life. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love homeschooling. I love cooking for my family. I love caring for them. I love training them. I love being with them. I live to enjoy them. That, my friends, is my truth.

May you be encouraged to see your truth today.

Blessings!

'Til My Sides Hurt: All Four Kids Edition

Growing up homeschooled led to many cultural experiences. Some of the most often and most interesting were the daily episodes of the mid morning "talk shows" that were all drama and people yelling and fighting. And since we were a house of teenage girls, the drama was what we were in for. And he laughs. Why we found people humiliating themselves in such a trashy way to be funny, I don't know. I blame it on being a teenager.

Anyway, I think all three of my sisters would agree that the most memorable and quoted episode was of some drama between two female cousins where the one being offended dramatically responded with, "I can't believe you did this too me! We've like... known each other for...like...our whole lives!"

To recap: cousins...who've known each other...for their whole lives...Bahaha!
It still makes me bust up. Anytime my sisters and I feel a need for an over-dramatized response this is our go to.

So it was pretty hilarious to me the other day when I wanted my girls to wear pants with their dresses because it was cold and, as an argument against my decision,  Hazel exclaimed, "But Mom! We're like sisters!"

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In school Abiah recently learned the why behind the title Mrs. In case you don't know, Mrs. stands for Mistress, as in Mistress of the house.

But now when he calls for me, sometimes instead of calling for Mom, he calls, "Mistress! Mistress!" Or he responds to my requests with, "Yes, Mistress?"

It's a little disturbing due to the more current use of that word. But I don't want to tell him what it means now days. Basically I'm avoiding an awkward conversation with my son but possibly setting myself up for an even more awkward social situation should he call me that in public.

It did make me ten kinds of happy to see the look on HH's face when I told him what his son calls me.

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Jackson, Amelia and I were getting ready to read a book while sitting on the couch. I had been working on my laptop so I told Amelia she'd have to sit on the other side of me. I pointed to the spot next to Jackson who was already sitting next to me. When Jackson saw that I was pointing to where Amelia should sit, he quickly scootched over into that spot and victoriously declared, "Ha! Ha!"

So Amelia quickly grabbed his abandoned spot, the one right next to me, and Jackson let out a frustrated, "Sis Sis!"

He thought he'd out smarted her. I bet he doesn't make that mistake again. Ornery little fella.

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We all know the popular rhyme children use when choosing who goes first: Eeney, Meanie, Minee, Mo.

Well, Amelia has hear it recently but has her own version that she walks around singing:

"Eeney, Meanie, catch a tiny when your Tony moose backup!"

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One night Amelia drops her pants and her unders to her knees and, before I can respond, asks, "Mom, does it look like my pants is falling off?"

Gah! To laugh or not to laugh! That, sirs, is the question.

The Absentminded Tooth Fairy Strikes Again

Last week Abiah started complaining about a loose tooth that was bothering him. I promptly directed him to the floss and a door to slam and left him to his own devises. I don't do teeth pulling. It's a job I gladly leave to anyone else.

Though Abiah was unsuccessful that time, he did find relief late Saturday night. It was after we had told him to go to bed and I'm half convinced he sat in his bed and wriggled his darn tooth loose just to stay up longer. When he came out to let us know "it was close" HH escorted him to the bathroom where the tooth finally came out.

Abiah came out proudly displaying his hole-y mouth and a tooth held between his fingers. Having become accustomed to our Tooth Fairy's preferences, he put his tooth in a ziplock bag and asked me if he should place it under his pillow. I answer yes and whispered to HH that we had to remember this time. And we went back to our episode of Once.

But we didn't remember.

I went in to Abiah's room Sunday morning to wake him and the first thing he said, "The Tooth Fairy didn't come." Thankfully his back was to me so he missed the look of dread that passed over my face. I mumbled something about it being the weekend so maybe she was off and hoped he'd let it go.

The thing is, the kid is almost ten. He knows who the Tooth Fairy is, but he still likes to play the game.

In the car on Sunday we hear Abiah telling his sisters about his lost tooth along with his theory that "the Tooth Fairy was just up too late the night before watching too many movies." Busted.

Fast forward to Sunday night. It's late. I'm getting ready for bed. I go into the bathroom and this is on the door:

So, he's still willing to play along, but he doesn't want to wait half the week for his dollar in quarters to magically appear under his pillow. I was thankful for his note, though, because I had, of course, forgotten.

Monday morning he asked, "So did the note help you?"

For the fun of the game I pretended not to know what he was talking about.

'Til My Sides Hurt: Hazel on swearing, family, princesses, and chores

While eating breakfast I bit into a slice of orange from an orange I was sharing with HH. I instantly spit it out because of the putrescent flavor that was held within. This, of course, caused a stir among most of the children and HH.

HH: Why did you spit that out?

Me: It was disgusting! Why did you eat yours? I can't believe you ate that!

Hazel, who had been distracted, didn't know what we were talking about and started to ask, "What did Daddy eat?"

Hazel keeps asking but HH and I are still talking so I don't answer. Finally, frustrated that I'm not responding, she says, "What the hell did Daddy eat!"

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It was windy out and HH commented: "Sounds like the house is gonna blow over."

Hazel says, mostly to herself: "Then all the people will come and say, 'Hey! What happened to Hazel...and those other people?'"


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During a (rare) quiet moment at dinner one night Hazel randomly burst into story telling mode:

"Once upon a time in a far away land lived a princess and a king and queen. One day she wanted to paint her nails. She saw a yellow and shiny toe polish she thought was chapstick so she put it on her lips. Then she had to let it dry. When she ate she got dirty and had to wash it off. The king asked, 'What is that?' 'I thought it was lip gloss,' she said. The king and queen lived happily ever after. The princess died in October. She was that number that is one zero zero."

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Hazel and Abiah do the dishes together after dinner each night. One night she and I met in the hall upstairs while she was supposed to be downstairs doing the dishes.

Hazel: I was just putting my backpack up here (in her room) because I can't stay here any longer.

Me: Where are you going?

H: Somewhere far away from here because I can't stay here any longer.

M: Like where?

H: Like somewhere far away. Where they don't work. Just the dads. Not the mom. And there's lots of kids. But only the big boy does dishes. By himself.

And later to Amelia I heard her say: Amelia, I'm leaving here. I just can't stay here any longer. I'm going far away. And I'm taking you with me. And Jackson. And mommy. And Abiah no not Abiah.

'Til My Sides Hurt: The Girls

Abiah had stolen a bracelet away from Hazel and thrown it into the family room. Amelia followed him and with a stern look and hands on her hips she told him, "Abiah, dat is not how you tweat a Lady."

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Coming down stairs "just one more time" after being put to bed to tell me she was sweating, Hazel reassured me with, "It's ok. In 20 years I'll be better."


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Abiah: What's 8+8?

Hazel: Ummmmmmm....

Abiah: 16!

Hazel: I was almost gonna think of that!


Life with girls is a fun ride. :)

"Til My Sides Hurt: How Random

While I was putting clothes away in my room Hazel came to chat with me. She started the conversation off with. "Mom, do you know what I call Jackson? I call him Fat Baby. But not like fat fat. Just like chubby baby. I'm not being mean I just like my brother. I love him and I never get to be with him."

"Hazel, that's not true. You are with him all day every day."

"Well, 'sept when I'm in trouble."

"And why do you get in trouble?"

"When I'm dis'bedient. 'Cause guess what, Mom. You never wear dresses all the time. Like in the days when we are home you never wear dresses. Like today you won't even get dressed."

"Hazel. I've been working all morning and just haven't gotten dressed yet."

And then she got distracted by the pile of hangers on my bed.

'Til My Sides Hurt: She's Gone Country

Circa 2013

Hazel says to me the other day, "Mom, I need some new pants. I need some jeans. I need some cowgirl jeans. So when a cowgirl concert comes I can go. You can drive me there and then the Master will say, 'I pr'sent you Hazel Grace Arcouette Lou Hoo to do The Cowgirl Dance with a horse!' And then I can do a dance in front of all the peoples with a 'tend horse like on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

circa 2010

'Til My Sides Hurt: HH and the girls

Me: What do you want to do today?

HH: Well, it's really up to you.

Me: sigh

HH: Well, I figure it's up to you because you have more issues than I do.

Me: Um, What?!?

HH: I mean physically...

Me: That doesn't sound any better then the first try...


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When I was resting from surgery at the beginning of December, HH took over as cook (and many other things). This comment left me speechless but laughing:

HH when arguing with me about how long to bake a pizza: "I know what I'm talking about! I've been working in this kitchen all week!"

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Hazel: "I'm gonna be doomed today and doomed tomorrow 'cause daddy left without saying goodbye!"

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Hazel playing with Amelia: "Look at this sign. It says 'Closed Opportuntee'. Oh! Poor baby! You can't go to your dentist!"

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Hazel when playing with Amelia: "I'm afraid we have sad news..." and then a few seconds later "I'm afraid we have happy news!"

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Amelia's version of Holly Jolly Christmas: "Ho, Ho! The Mrs. Toe. Hungry where you be!"
She randomly sings this all. day. long. But it's cute.

'Til My Sides Hurt: Abiah, Hazel, and Amelia

My kitchen wall has been collecting post-it notes of kid funnies for a few weeks now. I've discovered that for now it is the best way for me to remember the hilarious things they say so I can then share them with you all. Enjoy!

Abiah:
"Mom, dad doesn't like cottage cheese 24/7, but I like cottage cheese 12...um...um...12/6.


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Hazel:
Leaning her head towards me: "Mom, feel my temper. I got sick from the temper outside."

Leaving from music class behind another vehicle: "Why is she in front of us?
Me: "Well, she left first."
Hazel: "Crazy woman driver!"

On helping mommy out: "Mom! Come see your bathroom! It's squeaked and cleaned!"

Learning about food from a different culture: "Mom, I want Efinofian food!"

On learning to love 'chuthers:

Hazel: "Maybe I can punch Abiah in the face."

Me: "Hey! Don't be nasty."

Hazel: "No. I mean when I grow up."


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Amelia:
Using her manners: "Mom, may I have an unscused?"

Learning to use her hands to love 'chuthers:
Me: "Amelia, did you hit your sister?
Amelia: "I dust wailed her!"
Me: "What does that mean?"
Amelia: "It means peoples is not being mean to 'chuthers!"

Singing a song:
Amelia: "I love the way you hold me. Body shaking everysing!"
Me: What?!?

'Til My Sides Hurt: A trip to the dentist

On the way to the dentist with Hazel and Amelia I honked as we passed by our friends house. Hazel asks why I honked and I explain. All is quiet in the van for a few minutes and then she says, "Mom. This makes me think...if their house is back there it's not very far away from our house."

I giggle and reply, "You are right hunny, they aren't very far away."

"When I knew where their house was that made me think. And then it was stuck in my head and I figured it out."

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We get to the dentist office and head to the plush couches. The girls climb up and sit down and Hazel immediately takes her flip-flops off. I start to tell her to put her shoes back on and she begins wiping her feet on the too-nice-for-a-dentist-office couch while saying, "My feet are sweaty so I'm wiping them off."

I thank God that she wasn't talking in ALL CAPS and then I try not to panic so I don't draw attention. Just being honest. I quietly tell her that it's rude to wipe our feet on the furniture and suggest that maybe she just wipes them on the floor next time.

"Mooooom! There's germs!"

YA THINK!!!!

As she jumps down from the couch she assures me, "This is my bestest way, mom."

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On the way home from the dentist Amelia announces for the gazillionth time this week that she is going to have "loss and loss of birfdays."

From the backseat Hazel says, "Amelia! If you say that again, when we get home I'm going up to my bed and you are not coming with me!"

I said, "Hazel, you don't need to talk to your sister like that!"

"But Moooooom, she's being soooo aknowing!"

'Til My Sides Hurt: Of Amelia

Amelia was using the potty and Hazel frantically called me into the bathroom. "Mom! Look!" Amelia had about a third a roll of toilet paper on her lap.

After I scolded Amelia and reminded her that she didn't need that much she told me, "There's more up dere!" referring to the shelf holding four rolls of toilet paper.

"Yes, but you don't need that much, Amelia"

I turned to figure out what I should do next and when I turned back Amleia was shoving the toilet paper into the toilet. I slow motioned a "Noooooooo!" but it was too late. I called HH in for back up.

"Amelia, you don't need that much toilet paper," he said. "You have teeny-weeny buns."

She replied, "Ahhh! But dere's two of dem!"

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Hazel and Amelia were entertaining us with some songs and dancing. Amelia was singing:

"I like wed! It's culu of twees!"

(I like red. It's the color of the trees!)

'Til My Sides Hurt: From the Girls

Hazel telling me her plan for the day:

"We should take 'Biah's jumping rope and tie it to a tree with Jackson...with his shoes on. And we'll tie him to a tree."

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I made cookies one day and told the kids they could have one after dinner. A little while later the girls snuck into something and I told them that they lost the privilege of  having a cookie after dinner. Of course they were disappointed.

During dinner the kids kept telling me how good the food was and how I'm a good cook. Hazel took that moment to tell me, "Good cooks make cookies for good kids and bad kids."

She was so cute about it that I told her, "Hazel you are right. But I don't have any bad kids." I changed my mind and let the girls have a cookie and they paid me back for sneaking by working for me.

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A land surveyor was walking by our house and Hazel exclaimed, "WOW! What a HONK!"

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When I asked Hazel if she had a mess to clean up she responded, "No complendo!"

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Hazel was sick and Amelia wanted in on the attention. She said, "Mom, my froat hewts!"

When I asked her where her throat was she said, "Wite hew" and pointed to her tummy.

'Till My Sides Hurt: Rinse and Repeat

There was a time, many years ago it now seems, when I was teaching Abiah to read and I asked him what it sounds like I'm saying when I say the sounds C-A-T. His answer? Alaska!

 I laughed and cried at the same time. I had been working with him for quite a while and I couldn't seem to help him understand what I was trying to say.

Fast forward to present day and Abiah is an excellent reader. His little third grade self is just devouring books. I love it!

At the same time it is now Hazel's turn to join the ranks of learning. I have slowly introduced letter sounds and reading concepts to her in the past year and have just recently been introducing her to actual reading.

Just recently I was working with her and had her write the letters C-A-T out on her Doodle Pro. When I sounded them out and asked her what it sounded like I was saying she enthusiastically replied, "Andy!"

This time I just laughed.

'Til My Sides Hurt

The girls were playing house and HH over heard this conversation:

Amelia: Moder, why do I have to go to school?

Hazel: Because I'm a ridiculous mother!

I'm glad she understands the importance of education. Of course now they are using that response for the answer to all commands.

Hazel: "Come here! I'm a ridiculous mother and I said come here!"

Amelia's turn being mom: "Honey, go to bed. I'm a 'diculous moder and I said go to bed!"

So maybe it's not their view on education as much as it's their view of motherhood. Great. Who'd they get that from?

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Before HH there was one other man besides my dad who played a staring role in my life. My Uncle Steve. Uncle Steve is my dad's best friend from high school. He was a constant in our lives, entertaining us with silly songs and an Uncle-like relationship of teasing and affection.

Between the four of us girls he has stories of laughter, tears, and sweet relationship. In the story I often hear him tell on me I'm perched on his lap facing him when I look in his eyes, smile real big, and with a laugh I announce, "I'm gonna bite your nose!"

This last week Uncle Steve's two daughters came to stay with me as I recovered from a little surgical procedure. After we drove the girls home we were standing in their driveway visiting when Uncle Steve started teasing and tickling Hazel, who was in the back of the van.

Through her laughter she pleaded that he stop. In true Uncle Steve fashion he asked, "Or what?" And Hazel said, "Or I'm gonna poke your eyes out and smoosh them!"

I laughed so hard I was holding my stomach (thank you surgery for sore muscles). Thankfully Uncle Steve has history with feisty little four year old girls.