Not How

As a mom of six, the last two who are twins, I am constantly getting comments about my brood when I'm out. From older women it's usually of the "better you than me" variety. Or the ever popular "My your hands are full."

But I've noticed a trend in the comments from my young momma friends and even the ones I meet while I'm out (twins cause quite the stir and we rarely get through a store without a few stops to chat with random strangers). These are the mommas who are living in the motherhood trenches of sleepless nights, diaper changes, cold meals that were supposed to be eaten hot, training and consistency, school work and home work, etc. These are the mommas who have less than five or six children and they all say the same thing. "I just don't know how you do it."

I honestly get totally awkward when I get this comment. I feel like I should respond with a list of my five secrets. But I have none. Not even one. Or maybe I should give my parenting book recommendations. But I only really use bits and pieces of any parenting book I've read.

Or I could show you my daily planner filled with tips on organizing your life. But most days I can't even remember where I put my planner much less tell you what I've written in it. I always leave those conversations wishing I would have had the words to encourage the mommas where they are in their journey.

I've thought about what I do that may be different or helpful because I want to be an encouragement. But really I just do what I need to do (or as much as I can).

The reality is that it's not the "how" in what I do. It's the "why." And I bet you know why I do all of this.

Because it's why you do all that you do. Because you love your babies fiercely and want the best for them just like I do for mine.

All that how business doesn't matter. Not when you put your mind to the why. When we remember why we do this motherhood thing we just do what needs to be done because we love our kids.

 I have to remind myself of this when I'm overwhelmed with the "how am I going to do this" feelings. Which, in full disclosure, happens often.

We are Super Mommas because we super love our kids. Not because we are always super at everything we do. We still yell at our kids, forget about the smelly laundry, and burn the dinner. We don't always get the how part right. But I bet you always get the why part right.

And we need to remember these two things.

1. Children are so quick to forgive. (Remember Jesus wants us to be like them for a reason)

2. 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

And it does. And we love our children deeply. And they love us deeply. And that's our why.

I pray that this makes sense (because I'm writing from a very sleep deprived state) and that it encourages you in your journey. Because it is just that. Yours. And it won't necessarily look like anyone else's. You've got this.

Be blessed, friends.

Happy Monday, Ya'll

Our weekend started Thursday night as HH had taken it off to use up a holiday. HH and I had fabulous weekend plans that were altered Thursday night by a cold visiting our house. We didn't get as much date time in, but we still managed to have a restful weekend.

Friday was our busy day that turned into my busy day so that HH could stay home with the sick child. (My SIL had the three older kids.) In the morning I had a meeting with a friend, but the rest of my day was to be filled with shopping, shopping, and more shopping. As I got ready for the day I decided I'd wear my yoga pants to my friend's house since it was a cozy meeting.

When I checked myself in the mirror before I left I thought, "Man, I look confused. I'm all dressed nice...and then there's the yoga pants." Instead of embracing the shame of wearing my yoga pants outside of the house, I decided to name my outfit.

The Mommy Mullet

 Business on the top, Mommy on the bottom. (I'm still not good at taking my photos.)

Lesson here: Embrace the cozy and then give it a name. Happy Monday, Ya'll!

He's My Valentine

Sometimes I yell at HH. Sometimes I don't really like him for awhile. Sometimes I say too much. Sometimes I'm mad at him. And sometimes he deserves it.

Sometimes, as in almost never, HH yells at me. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't like me all that much for awhile. Sometimes he says too little. I know there are times when he's mad at me. And I know that most of the time I deserve it.

HH and I, we have this marriage. And the thing is, neither of us has been here before. Neither of us know how to do this thing called life together. We've had examples. Some really good, and some really bad. But sometimes marriage is like trying to follow a recipe with only a picture of the finished product as your guide.

Sometimes, as in often, we are floundering. Fish thrown on dry land, gasping for air and struggling to find our way home. And sometimes we are floating. A steady, gentle current is carrying us along, easing us around the bends.

I read recently that some are questioning the value that Christians place on virginity in marriage. Reading through the long list of comments I kept wanting to add my own. But there didn't seem like a safe place.

When HH and I said "I do" to each other almost eight years ago, there were many firsts for us. For us both. First "I love you." First kisses. First...other things. First Valentines. Lots of firsts. And, yes, I did have romantic ideas of fairy tale living, but I also knew that what we were really saying yes to was all those amazing firsts and many more amazing moments...and a lot of life. Hopefully lots and lots and lots of life.

I found a safety in that. I found safety in knowing that we were walking into our life together, with the knowledge that we would learn how to figure out life together. I found safety in knowing that he is the only one who knows all of me. There is a venerability in knowing only one person so well.

There have been times when I find fear creeping in. What if he hurts me? What if he lets me down? In those moments I'm taken back to the wise words of a woman who encouraged me to "Put my trust in God who is in my husband" instead of placing that on HH shoulders.

There was a time, around ten years ago, when a man asked me and my friends what we were looking for in a spouse. My 22ish year old self was taken over by my 5 year old self, and I boldly stated, "I wanna marry my dad." My five year old self had no idea how prophetic she was being in that moment.

The man chuckled and warned, "Remember, it has taken your dad 40-something years to become who he is today."

There are times when my thirty-something self has lamented the fact that I wasn't more specific. My five year old self was spot on.

But the beauty isn't that I married a perfect man. It's that I married a man who is perfect for me and we get to grow in perfection together.

A wise man I know once said "relationships are messy." But I disagree...or maybe I've been taught the value of clarifying the definition of what one wishes to convey. I believe that people are messy. And messy people can cause messy relationships. But we're all messy. And this messy person loves her life with her messy HH.

Today's Thing that makes you go "Hmmmm..."

If laughter is the best medicine...

And just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down...

Shouldn't we get a treat every time we laugh?!?


Blast from the past pics of the kids:

I think the word would be a much happier place.