Wordless Wednesday: Paper

Ok. Mostly wordless. I need to explain. My SIL's boyfriend, so my boyfriend-in-law, works for a paper company and he gave us a huge box of paper. And this little Miss, especially, makes the most gigantic messes with it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY! She loves to color and goes through at least 100 sheets a week.

I sent my boyfriend-in-law a message thanking him for fueling my children's need to draw on a new piece of paper every few seconds. I also thanked him for fueling our wood stove, because that's where it all ends up.

I do love that I don't have to constantly replace my copy paper that I use for school. It was getting ridiculous. And I was getting stingy. We're all happy. :)

A Book Review: Happy Wives Club

About a year ago my heart was burdened for some marriages of the people in my life. It was a small flood of my circle of friends and family, from the past and currently, who were facing huge struggles and were going through situations I'd never even imagined. Although HH and I were doing good at the time I felt an uneasiness. It wasn't that I was questioning the rightness of our relationship. I just needed to know how we were going to make it work.

I remember sitting with a group of ladies, most of who are much older than me, and asking, "What is the one thing you would say is the most important to a marriage? Besides Jesus, because that's obvious."

One lady replied instantly, "Sex." There were some heads nodding in agreement. I countered her response with, "Really? Sex? Is that what you need or what he needs? I know sex is important to marriage, but is it the one thing, other than Jesus, that it takes to make a good marriage?"

Another woman spoke up, "I heard a message on marriage many years ago. The speaker was talking about the passage that says, 'A husband must love his wife, and a wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). He said that the reason husbands should love their wives is because it is very hard for men to love. They are logical beings and love is an emotion.  And woman are called to respect our husbands because it is easy for a woman to love. We do that unconditionally.  But, if someone does something we can't justify it is very hard to have respect for that person. The Lord stretches us by asking us to do the things that are difficult in our way of thinking. So for women it is respect and for men it is love."

What she said was as a thick healing balm poured over the burden my heart was feeling. I had an answer. I left that night with hope and a plan for my own marriage and a determination to pray for the ones that I'd been burdened for.

This last month I jumped at the opportunity to review the book, Happy Wives Club, hoping that, maybe, I would discover a little more of an answer to the question I had last year. Within the first few pages I felt right at home. The author, Fawn Weaver, had been on a journey that took her to six different continents to find, for herself, an answer to the same question I had been asking.

I was confused a bit at first because there was so much back story of the author's travels and experiences. I think I was expecting the book to mostly be stories about the couples she interview. The beauty I found in her writing was that Fawn, through her personal journey in marriage and the mundane of her travels incorporated with the beauty of the relationships she encountered, found the answer she was seeking. Her journey was as important as her mission.


Another thing I liked about the book is that it wasn't one sided. I seem to see a lot of "Women, here's how to be a better wife" books, but I've often wondered if there are as many for men. Though this book is titled Happy Wives Club, Fawn really stresses the mutuality of the relationship.

It's funny because the book almost felt anti-climatic. But in the end that felt right because, of course, the answer to happiness in marriage is more simple than we think. In our over dramatized culture and world we expect the secrets to life to be filled with magic and fairy dust and unicorns. They should definitely be far fetching and almost difficult to reach. But Fawn reminds us that happiness is as simple as mutual respect and service and friendship.

It was a book I could hardly put down and when it was over I felt a renewed determination to pursue true happiness in my own marriage.

Disclaimer: I received this book through booksneeze.com in return for my personal review. 

In addition, because this review isn't long enough already, my dad and I were talking about this post and the book and he had an amazing point that he illustrated with a song I remember him playing for my mom.






Be blessed, ya'll!

'Til My Sides Hurt: Man-child's Gonna Get Slapped One Day

Abiah has a tendency to say what is on his mind, and, without meaning to, sounding completely rude. Sometimes he thinks he's funny, but most of the time he just doesn't realize that he sounds like he's trying to be offensive.

I was talking to my parents about it and made the comment, "The kids gonna get beat up some day because he sounds so rude."

My dad, who is like Abiah's twin born 40 something years earlier, said, "No. I never got beat up. I knew enough not to say that kind of stuff to guys."

"I'm not talking about guys, Dad. He's gonna get slapped by some girl that he'll unknowingly offend!"

"Oh... Yeah... I think I got slapped a few times."

Exactly.

Here are a few gems, plus a few other funny things he's said lately.

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I was lamenting to Abiah that Amelia had left her cream colored jacket outside and it was now all muddy.

He just looked at me with a blank stare and then said, "If I was a girl maybe I'd understand."

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Around Christmas my parents caught the flu and were horribly sick for two weeks. Towards the end of their sickness we had an emergency with Jackson one evening and I needed them to rush over to watch the other kids while HH and I took him to the ER. Because of the situation my parents dropped everything and came right away. My mom, who is always done up, hadn't done her hair or make up because she'd been so sick. When they came in the house Abiah greeted them at the door. He looked at my mom and said, "Hmmmm, bad hair day?"

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During our Christmas at home I made a huge platter of snacky foods for our meal. There was so much that we ended up eating it for a few days after, too. On day three of snacky foods for lunch, Abiah was doing the dishes while I was getting everything set out.

"We're eating that agian?"

"Yup. We need to eat it up."

Then he walked over to a pan of beans I had on the stove and peaked inside to see what was in there.

"Oh good. You're still cooking."

Now this comment was just a timing thing because I found out later that he was actually checking to see if I was still using the pot so he'd know if he had to wash it or not. So, I'll give him that one, but in the future someone else might not be so nice.

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We were making a list of different flowers for school and I had listed some off for him and he repeated them, or what he heard, back to me, "Violets, lilacs, and cockroaches?"

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While dictating to him his spelling words:

Me: Your next word is circumference.

Abiah: Sir Cumference? Do I even know him?

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And a little note from me to the girls he'll meet in the future:

I try. I really do.

Homeschool Q&A: How long and Why

I am often asked by friends and acquaintances for help or advice on homeschooling. I love answering those kinds of questions and helping in anyway I can, but sometimes there isn't time to sit and have a lengthy conversation. So I thought I'd start blogging through questions and then I'll have this as a resource to point people to.

 

And here's where the disclaimer comes in.

Disclaimer: I am in no way the final authority on homeschooling, and I am well aware of that fact. I have opinions and ideas (some original, but most borrowed or adopted) and I love to share them, but I fully believe that you are the best judge of what your family's need are. I share with the idea that you will glean from me, as I have and do from others. I also share hoping for and expecting grace. Homeschooling isn't for everyone and I believe that and am okay with that. But, it is what my family does so I have ideas and thoughts about it.

The first few posts come from a list a friend sent me. She is in the beginning planning stages and has some questions. Since busy schedules are keeping us from a face-to-face conversation I thought I could type it out for her and also file it away for others.


 


Q: How long have you been homeschooling?

A: Well, the last job I had before HH and I got married was for a local company that supports homeschoolers through state testing, classes for students, help with special needs students, and tutoring. In order to fill out my schedule more I became a tutor. With the guidance of my boss, who has been working with homeschooling families since HH was in kindergarten (at least), I ended up with a full schedule of clients that I homeschooled for their parents. This was from 2001-2004.

Most of my students were ESL students who had a difficult time in the public system because of the language barrier and the lack of time for one-on-one instruction. I also had two girls with special needs that I met with three days a week for 3 hours each day. I would homeschool them and send them home with work for our off days. It wasn't typical homeschooling, but it served the need of the families and I really feel it gave me the confidence to homeschool my own kids.

Our kids have only ever been homeschooled. I started with Abiah when he was about 4. I only started that early because he was ready and interested. It wasn't much at first but it gave him a little something different to do during the day.


Q: Why did you decide to homeschool?

A: Well, for me, the answer to this has evolved. HH and I knew we wanted to homeschool our children before we were even married. It was something we had talked about and decided to do. I think in the beginning, though, it was more of what we knew. HH was only ever homeschooled and I had homeschooled 8th-12th grade and then was already homeschooling other kids. I don't know that there was a lot of depth or thought put into the decision. It's just what we wanted.



I learned quickly, though, that it wasn't enough of a reason. On the hard days I generally would end up in an internal rant that ultimately ended in me deciding it was all HH's fault; I homeschooled our kids because he made me.Totally not a fair conclusion, but Crazy Momma Internal Ranting rarely is.

A year ago this last fall I came to a breaking point. I shot off a text to my dear friend who I admire and who has gone before me a few years and I basically said "I can't do this anymore! I don't know how to school my child and get him to do his work! I've tried everything! He hates school and I know he could love it!"

She ever so gently responded, "Yes. He does hate it. I think you need to take a break and start over."

I knew she was right, but it hit me in the gut. Not because of her, but because I was lost. And starting over seemed daunting and how do you do that with a toddler and two crazy girls running around, all who want your attention too?!

 

The short story is that we took a week long break and I prayed and researched, spent time with my kids and talked to HH, and researched and talked to my friend. In the end I know the biggest change was what happened in my heart, but another part of the change was defining my vision for homeschooling our children. I still don't have an exact list, but during that time, and since, I have read and re-read many times over this post from Ann Voskamp. For me it was like reading what my heart wanted to say and wanted to want, but didn't know how.

Another reference for me was For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. I had to take this one in slowly and I know I'll go back to it many times over. It is a beautiful breakdown of Charlotte Mason's educational theory. My ideas of what education should look like were challenged, as were the approaches I have taken with my children. It was a continuation of the gentle redirecting my heart and mind needed.

 

There were also a lot of little things. A blog post here. A conversation there. It all added up for me.

I have a long list of books to read to continue my own education on homeschooling and I'll share as I finish them.

So, after all of that back story, what I tell people now when they ask Why? is this:

I believe I am the best teacher for my children. I know them best and have the time to give attention to ALL their needs, not just their scholastic ones. Education is important to me, but to me education is also more than math facts, timelines, and proper grammar. When a struggle arises between teacher (me) and student I have the time to dive deeper and look for the heart behind the attitude or behavior.

I also have time to learn their strengths and weaknesses and I have the freedom to let them work at a pace that fits them. Traditional math didn't work for Abiah so we switched it up and he is thriving. Sometimes Abiah likes to walk while he practices memorization. Hazel likes to sit on top of the table while we work together. Both Hazel and Amelia prefer to be dressed as princesses while schooling.  And Jackson likes to climb things all day. 






Also, I don't homeschool because it is easy for me. I do it because I love to. I get comments all the time from other mom's about how I must be so much more patient because they could never do what I do. 

No. I'm super impatient. Every single day I fight impatience and selfishness. Occasionally I win, but mostly I don't and we do lots of apologizing. Homeschooling is just what I've chosen to do. Everybody's job drives them a little crazy even if it's their dream job, like mine. 

Also, I just really like being with my kids. The day-in-day-out is hard and raw, but it's the best thing I've ever done and it's the only thing I ever wanted to do. When Jackson was born I remember freaking out because I had 18 years left of homeschooling. It seemed like an eternity and I didn't know if I could make it that long. This last fall when he was potty trained I almost cried because I realized that I only have 16 more years of homeschooling left. Oh, the pendulum and how it doth swing.

Another reason for me is that I agree wholeheartedly with Ann Voskamp when she says, "We personally don’t believe that children are called to be kingdom warriors in the public school system because, in our humble, and very possibly misguided opinion, that doesn’t seem a level playing field. There are agendas operating there that may leave a child at a disadvantage. But do we need to walk with our children in the world with a vibrant, fearless faith that has full confidence in an all-powerful God? Yes!" 

 

I believe I read a post (that I can't find!) (Okay, here's one, but I don't think it's the original that I read, but you'll get the gist) from another homeschooling momma that likened her children unto tender young seedlings who need time to mature in the greenhouse until they are strong enough to withstand the weather and storms of the outside world. My hope is that we shelter our kids enough to hold onto their innocence, yet we are honest about real life and the real world enough so they make a smooth transition from our home to where ever they may end up. We talk about real things and we talk about a real God and his real love and real power.

I would add that I also think it would be cheating our kids to place them in an environment where they are basically raised by, and in turn raising, their peers.  Aside from the adult to child ratio in typical classroom settings being extremely low, the awake hours spent away from parents and family and with peers leaves the majority of influence up to the other children in the class.

And we pray it all comes out right in the end because, really, we all as parents are just doing what we feel is right for our children. A wise friend challenged my moping about past parental mistakes by asking, "Do you ever make a decision with the purpose to hurt or damage your child? No! You make all decisions believing that it is the best thing for them." And, it's true. That's what we're all after, right?






 So, for us, this is a part of why we homeschool. I hope this glimpse into our hearts as parents and educators of our babes encourages you whether you intend to homeschool or not. Like I said above, you are the best judge of what your family's needs are. God gave your children to you because he knew you were exactly the parent they needed. You are doing a great job.

Be blessed, ya'll!

Happy Monday, Ya'll

Our weekend started Thursday night as HH had taken it off to use up a holiday. HH and I had fabulous weekend plans that were altered Thursday night by a cold visiting our house. We didn't get as much date time in, but we still managed to have a restful weekend.

Friday was our busy day that turned into my busy day so that HH could stay home with the sick child. (My SIL had the three older kids.) In the morning I had a meeting with a friend, but the rest of my day was to be filled with shopping, shopping, and more shopping. As I got ready for the day I decided I'd wear my yoga pants to my friend's house since it was a cozy meeting.

When I checked myself in the mirror before I left I thought, "Man, I look confused. I'm all dressed nice...and then there's the yoga pants." Instead of embracing the shame of wearing my yoga pants outside of the house, I decided to name my outfit.

The Mommy Mullet

 Business on the top, Mommy on the bottom. (I'm still not good at taking my photos.)

Lesson here: Embrace the cozy and then give it a name. Happy Monday, Ya'll!

'Til My Sides Hurt: The Telephone Guys

So, apparently our little phone company has switched to fiber-optics and they are making a slow move up our street to switch the houses one-by-one. I got a phone call yesterday morning and we set up a time for them to come make the switch. I was pretty excited because I had showered and was fully dressed...NOT in yoga pants. And that was before they had even called. Also the house was in decent order because we had a showing the previous night.

The two men showed up at the appointed time, which just happened to be when I was just finishing school with Hazel, Abiah was working on school in the other room, and Amelia and Jackson were napping. Perfect! They can get in, get it done, and there won't be too much chaos.

As I was talking to the Phone guys about the logistics of what they were doing, why, and where, I was vaguely aware of the fact that Hazel was running around behind the younger of the two guys. She was giggling and snickering, but she tends to do that when she's embarrassed and I just figured strangers = embarrassed. Nope.

Right as they walk out the door to begin their task, she starts after them and says something about the stickers. Thankfully she stopped when I called her, and even more thankfully, they didn't hear her.

She explains to me that while I was talking to the guys she snuck up behind "the little one", as she called him, and placed three small smiley face stickers on him. One on his back, one on his leg (calf), and one on his butt!!!

Oh. Don't worry. She assured me she didn't actually touch his butt. She just put the sticker on a fold of the fabric of his pants.

OH! EM! GEE!

 

I couldn't help it. I laughed. And I couldn't stop. Especially when he'd come in the house and walk past us with three stickers stuck on his back side. Abiah was a fit of giggles too. It was quite ridiculous. And ab.so.lu.tely hilarious! Especially since she can be super shy. Girl sure knows how to pick her moments! And, boy, is she proud of herself.

Amelia stole my phone and there are tons of pictures of the two of them like this.

We were talking about it later in the evening with HH and I told him about Hazel reassuring me that she didn't actually touch his butt, just the fabric.

Me: "He was wearing Carrhart overall things over his clothes, so I'm sure he didn't feel it."

HH: "Were the quilted?"

Me: "Well...I didn't feel his clothing, so... I'm not sure."

HH: "Well, that's good to know."

Abiah: "Ask Hazel. She should know."

And then Abiah and I were back to fits of laughter.

 


Who says home schoolers are socially awkward? What!?!?

A little encouragement for the soul

The days have been busy and the nights not so restful. I'm a little weary yesterday and today. Here are a few things that are ministering to my heart today and I thought I'd share in the case that maybe you need a little encouragement too. Be blessed my friends!

A lovely post from Ann Voskamp.

And a prayer song to snuggle our hearts right next to our Father's.



What has been an encouragement to you this week?