On Becoming Bare

...continued...

"It is one of the perversities of my interior makeup that I so often become depressed just as
winter makes its turn into spring, and the longed-for moment arrives; the weather turns
pleasant, and one can walk out of doors without bundling up. But unbundling means exposure, a kind of vulnerability, and I seldom feel ready for it when that first balmy day arrives. Instead, I resist the good news of spring, lurking inside my house as if its still winter. My spirit suffers , my garden languishes, and my perennial flowers and herbs must struggle on their own with encroaching weeds."

Kathleen Norris in The Quotidian Mysteries

"Look at this." I point to the screen.

"What is it?" he asks as he sits down beside me on the worn couch.

"It was built this year. No one has ever lived in it. And look at the pretty kitchen!"

"It's small."

"But it's new." I plead.

"Wow. It is nice. Not a very big lot."

"I know. I just feel stuck. I know that anything we look at is going to mean a smaller lot...and most likely a smaller house. But I just want something new. Something without all the work. I just feel stuck."

The discontentment stuck with me throughout the night. When I woke the next morning it was still there. Hanging from my shoulders weighing my heart down.

I kept finding myself at the computer. Searching the screen for the perfect house. A new dwelling where everything would be easy. Shiny and new. More bedrooms. More bathrooms. A place where stairs don't creak and doors close properly. Something that won't fit the title of "Krooked Kastle".

But it's not about the house. It's not really. Is it ever?

The next day I apologize to him, "I don't mean to put that kind of pressure on you. It's not about the house. I know I'm just frustrated with myself."

I blame my other physical dwelling for my irritation. This body I've been graced with.

But that's not it either.

People say, "It's not about the destination. It's about the journey." But the journey can be so hard. The act of unbundling one's heart from the layers meant to keep it safe and protected. Becoming vulnerable. Getting messy. Allowing...imperfection.

To be continued...

Wordless Wednesday: Hazel's Portrait of Jesus

One in Diapers

I realize this kind of information doesn't appeal to all my readers but there is a funny at the end. Happy reading!

It is finished! Kinda.

We kind of had a potty training miracle at our house in the last month. Amelia was really ready to start potty training this last winter. But being 20 month pregnant I didn't have it in me to spend my days sitting on the edge of the tub waiting for her to decide to pee.

About a month ago I finally decided to bite the bullet and put her in her training panties with plastic pants. Of course there were many accidents at first but surprisingly she caught on really fast. There hasn't been a huge struggle or anything. How refreshing.

Wait. Can potty training be refreshing? Weird.

When summer has decided to peek out a few times in the last few weeks I noticed that her panties were always damp feeling but never truly wet. I decided we could ditch the plastic pants since they were suffocating her buns and we've not looked back since.

She has had a few accidents. Mostly when we are busy playing outside.

The blessing was that she was waking up dry at nap time and night time also! Hazel has been potty trained for awhile except at night so I was expecting it would be the same with Amelia.

Anyways, we decided that both girls were ready to potty train at night and so we left them in their undies and for the last three night Amelia has been dry! Hazel had accidents the first two nights but woke up each time. This morning, however, she woke up dry!

I'm so proud of my girls! And equally excited that we only have to buy diapers for Jackson now. Of course the only bummer is that I just bought a new package of diapers for the girls and only used about four of them.

So, this morning as Amelia and I sat enjoying the quiet, we had this conversation.

Amelia was sticking her hand down the back of her underwear. I told her to get her hand out because there are germs down there. She tried looking for them but I told her, "You can't see them!"

She said, "I see dis."

"What?"

"My cack!"

Have a blessed day, friends!

A Rare Moment Indeed

The Krooked Kastle drama club usually involves a lot of, well...drama! So when we are privy to a moment such as this it is cause for celebration, feasting and a little happy wine!

Which is totally different from the usual feasting and frustration wine. But we aren't here to talk about me. Today.

This is a video I "caught" back in January and some how managed to forget to post. When I found it today there were tears of joy. It's good to be reminded of the sweet times my girls have together.

And aside from the gigantic booger on Amelia's face and the fact that the video abruptly ends as she's about to take a peek at her sisters "bunsy butt," I'd say this is moment is a favorite so far.



In case you can't understand what Amelia is saying she is singing, "Hazo, Hazo. Hazo, Hazo." Which is her then almost two year old version of this song.

Another "ish" Recipe: Butternut Squash Alfredo Sauce

I mentioned before that I tend to cook using the "ish" method. Though most of my attempts turn out well, I have my fair share of failures.

Thankfully this isn't one of those. Of course, if it was a flop I wouldn't be sharing it here anyways.

Forgive me for stating the obvious. Your patience is much appreciated.

So. The recipe. You'll need:

1 butternut squash, baked or steamed
heavy whipping cream or half-n-half or milk (depends on your fat content preference)
Parmesan cheese, the powder works just fine
salt and pepper

So, after you've baked or steamed your butternut squash, puree it until smooth. I added about a quarter cup of water to help the pureeing process.

Pour the butternut squash into a pan and begin to heat it up.

Add about a cup of Parmesan, stirring it well so as to break up any clumps. As the sauce heats up the Parmesan melts and the sauce gets smoother.

Slowly add your choice of heavy whipping cream, half-n-half or milk until it reaches the consistency that you prefer.

Salt and pepper to taste. Serve over your favorite pasta (mushroom stuffed ravioli is exceptionally delicious with this sauce!).

Give it a try sometime this week and let me know what you think!

Wordless Wednesday: 2010 vs. 2011

Tears on the Fourth

Yesterday our fourth of July celebrations began at a local parade.



We had spent the morning rushing to arrive before the streets were closed so I didn't have a moment to take the day in until right as the parade was starting.



As the first few vehicles inched by and the patriotic music reached our ears my eyes welled up with tears and I had to still my quivering lip.



I was overwhelmed with thankfulness.



Thankfulness for the ones who have given their lives for my freedom.



Thankful for rest.





Thankful for work.



Thankful for the freedom of speech.



Thankful for play.



Thankful for good food.



Thankful for times of refreshing.







Thankful for him.



And them.



Thankful for unconditional, loyal, always and forever love.



Thankful that He who began a good work in me is faithful to finish the task He undertook.



What are you thankful for today?